GUMMY STARS
by luukagu
Summary: Unable to swim, Rin becomes a cop, regretting a past break-up with Haru. After meeting Haru again six years in the future, a lab explosion pulls him and Sousuke into an investigation which forces Rin to question how much his friends have changed... and how far away Haru drifted from him. (New York/careers AU) (Older characters) [Rin/Haru]
1. Prologue

**Luuka:** HI!

This is a Free! Eternal Summer ED (Free! ED2) New York/careers AU, RinHaru, containing explicit RinHaru sexual content. This chapter is the prelude which breaks off just after episode 12 of Eternal Summer, but the fic exists in it's own world, too, because I changed some facts (with Iwatobi being a town in New York, instead of a town in Japan.) The genres are: sci-fi, romance, hurt/comfort, humour and crime.

Anyway, reviews and stuff are great! hmh.

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><p><strong>Prelude:<strong>

**(Six years before our story)**

A lot of things happened to Rin when he was seventeen years old, but the one that stood out most for him was that he'd fallen in love with Haru.

No... Rin had _always_ been in love with Haru, but never expressed it until that day at the aquarium.

It was a late August afternoon, less than a week before Rin planned to move to Australia to become a training member of the Australian swim team. Going to Australia meant leaving Haru behind, but Rin had long contemplated that if he wanted to move forward, sacrifices had to be made; Haru would be swimming in a university in New York. Still, Rin couldn't _just leave_ without telling Haru how he felt, so, he'd invited Haru to the Iwatobi aquarium, preparing himself for the worst.

'Why did you ask me here?' said Haru, meeting Rin at the ticket entrance, which was styled like a dolphins' open mouth. Haru was wearing a polka shirt, looking smart, neat... sexy... his blue eyes poured into Rin, who shrugged.

'Nothing better to do,' he lied, regretting that as it made Haru sound like a last resort. '...It's a lot bigger here than I thought.'

'Want to hold my hand so we don't get lost?'

'D-Don't stay stuff like that...' Rin flushed. 'They've got a map in the brochure.'

The day passed looking at the sea creatures, the two of them wandering around aimlessly. As they moved, Haru would point things out, ask Rin questions and look across to him with endless eyes... the day drew itself closer to an end, and Rin ended up alone in the shark tunnel with Haru, both of them watching a hammerhead swimming around in circles.

'I like this shark,' Rin commented. 'He's got a hard head.'

'Reminds me of someone,' Haru muttered.

'I heard that,' Rin huffed, pouting.

'I can speak shark.'

'Yeah? What's this one saying?'

Haru pressed a hand against the glass and closed his eyes.

'...I want mackerel.'

'Ahh...' Rin lowered his eyes. 'I think that's what_ you're_ saying, Haru. Sharks aren't that fond of mackerel.'

'Then what do sharks like?'

'Meat. Sea lions, seals...' he ran his tongue over his teeth. 'And dolphin.'

'The shark is saying something else,' Haru said, putting a hand on the glass and closing his eyes again.

'Oh? And what's he saying now?'

'...Rin's cap makes him look punchable...'

'Owch.'

'...and his T-shirt doesn't match his shoes...'

'He's a very emotionally abusive shark.'

'...and he should buy Haru mackerel...'

'Okay,' Rin laughed. 'If it will please the shark, then we'll look around some stalls to see if I can find some mackerel.'

'You should,' Haru said, seriously. 'You don't want to make enemies with that shark, Rin-'

'I get it, Haru,' Rin exhaled, backing Haru up against the glass. One of Rin's hands rested against it whilst the other came up on its own, against Haru's collar, fingers skimming the fine skin over his bones.

'Rin... you're too close-'

'Hey, Haru... I love you.'

Rin didn't know where that had come from. He knew that Haru could take the words maturely, but it was the indifference Rin was afraid of; Haru had never hinted that he wanted to be in a relationship, so Rin didn't know how he felt about it... or if he was even interested in the same gender. He waited, willing himself to get rejected faster when:

'Cut it out,' Haru turned away slightly. 'Don't joke about something like that...'

'I'm not messing around!' Rin breathed. 'Haru, I have to do this before I go! Ever since I set eyes on you, I've had a feeling in my stomach like its being kneaded, I-I'm so transfixed by you all the time... I-'

'Thats enough.'

'I fucking _love you_-'

'That's enough!' Haru's gaze was sharp, cold and cutting like ice. '...Kiss me.' he said, flatly. 'If you mean what you say, then prove it... kiss me.'

The tone of voice was neutral, but it carried an unmistakeable tremor... Rin wondered if it was nerves. Fumbling, he took Haru's hands, taking a moment to inhale before leaning across to Haru's lips. In the aquarium- under the blue lights and reflections of glass-with the sound of water in the background, the two of them shared their first kiss.

Rin hadn't known what kissing would feel like, but it was unexpectedly easy... and incredibly good, especially with the person he'd spent most of his teenage years dreaming about doing it with. Rin took a step closer to press himself against Haru, the two of them fitting perfectly together... fireworks could have exploded around them, stars could have fallen out of the sky, the whole world could have screeched to a collision, and yet none of it would have broken Rin away from Haru's lips.

Rin parted Haru's mouth with his tongue and slipped it past Haru's teeth, allowing their saliva to mingle. Three or four times they broke apart for air before coming back together; Rin's hands smoothing down Haru's arms, Haru's through Rin's hair, tangling in the red strands... Rin's breathing was shallow when they finally broke away.

He walked Haru home, shuffling awkwardly on the front step when Haru told him to come inside and go up to his room. Rin was grateful when Haru brought up some tea to absolve the dryness in his throat, although it came back the moment Rin lowered his cup. Without a word, he put an arm around Haru's shoulder and moved in to kiss him.

Rin's hesitated.

'You don't need to be embarrassed,' Haru assured him. 'You're the one putting your cock in me.'

'H-Haru!' Rin flushed. 'At least you've got the roles sorted...'

'Did you want to go on bottom?'

'What you said was good.'

'...that's what I thought,' Haru murmured, and Rin found it strange that he could bicker normally with Haru in a position like this-the fact that Haru seemed ready for this made him feel confident. He grinned, wetting his lips before crawling closer to Haru, pushing him back against his pillow as their lips locked together again, Rin's tongue tracing the seam of Haru's lips. As the kissing grew deeper, Haru made the occasional soft noise, his hands burning Rin's skin as they pulled on the corners of Rin's t-shirt, Rin sliding it over his head, pulling Haru's crotch close to his own via the loopholes in Haru's pants. He pressed his hips into Haru's and bucked slowly, digging his nose into Haru's cheek, kissing the space behind Haru's ear-breathing the other young man in, feeling him, _tasting_ him... Rin was getting predatory.

He'd wanted this since he'd come back to Haru.

'Shit, Haru, I'm so nervous...' Rin laughed. 'My hands are shaking.'

'if you don't want this, we can stop.'

'I never said that...' Rin tsked, and with some effort they managed to undress, Rin not even sure it was really happening as he gave Haru an open mouthed kiss, aligning both of their bodies so that they were bare together.

'Um...'

'I have a condom,' Haru said. 'If that's the problem.'

'Where did you get that?!'

'Iwatobi give them out free.'

'And you kept it?!'

Haru gave a small roll of his eyes and parted his legs. Rin's throat tightened as he smoothed a hand along Haru's thigh to both relax Haru and give himself some grounding; he felt nervous-not wanting to hurt Haru, scared to death that he'd horribly fuck up both of their first times, or even worse, make Haru _bleed_-still, Rin thought his nerves must have been nothing compared to what Haru felt. Haru looked unconcerned, but he was naked and exposed beneath Rin, probably never having been so vulnerable... Rin fingered Haru carefully, to let him know that he was safe. He was so in love with Haru... so in love, so the last thing that he wanted was to hurt him. Haru sat, one of Rin's arms around his back whilst the other pushed three fingers inside of him.

'I'll go slow,' Rin promised.

'Rin-!'

'Shhh... it's alright. Put your head on my shoulder.'

Haru did as Rin said, breathing heavily, gripping Rin's chest.

'There we go,' Rin whispered. 'Haru, you're so good... you're getting so loose. I'll make you feel great when I'm inside of you...'

'And you...'

'Yeah? We'll both feel great, okay? I'll give you a first time you'll never forget...'

Rin was deliberately patient as he spread his fingers inside of Haru, thrusting them up... Haru made soft sounds against Rin's skin.

'Haru... you okay?'

'...'

Rin touched Haru tentatively, fingers sinking into the pink, moist hole and circling it in preparation. Haru's hips jumped and he rubbed his arousal against Rin's stomach, Rin holding him down by the thighs to keep him still.

'Easy, Haruka...'

Rin was also struggling to maintain control: the base of his balls had started to grow hot, his foreskin starting to tingle... they couldn't keep going at this rate. He lay Haru back down, Haru turning his head in the pillow before meeting Rin's eyes.

The small nod he gave was all the confirmation that Rin needed.

Rin's erection pushed into Haru, filling him, and everything became frantic. Rin started slowly as he'd promised, Haru's lids trying to stay open as Rin watched him sink his teeth into his lip to stop himself from making noise... Rin wished he wouldn't hold back. Haru felt warm and soft, and Rin sunk into the other man's heat, the feeling unlike anything else Rin had experienced; Haru was perfect, inside out, his body flushed beneath Rin's own.

'You're beautiful, Haru. Beautiful...'

'Yeah...'

'Your body is amazing. How is it?'

'Feels... good...'

'Fuck...'

With each thrust Rin became more confident, wanting to go faster but somehow managing to contain it, his movements gentle to refrain from putting pressure on Haru. His hips ground slowly against Haru's, rolling into the other teenager's body, the soft tightness making it difficult to think. Haru rubbed a hand over his arousal, fingers gently probing the slit.

'Is that good?' Rin laughed, the sound harsh on his own ears.

'Watch me...'

Haru's hand wrapped around his cock, eyes watching Rin's but fluttering shut occasionally-Rin was experiencing the same problem. There were wavering lines on his vision which told Rin he was losing it a lot quicker than he wanted to be... the slick sound of Haru tugging his hand felt intense and it was too much to go slow... seeing Haru touching himself in front of him...

'Hahh... not so fast,' Rin gasped. 'This is one race where we want to draw... H-Haru, you're pushing me over the edge. Take your hands off.'

Blood roared in Rin's ears and he bit down on his tongue, pain only fuelling his pleasure through the flares of need; Haru's hands both reached up to drag Rin down, Rin biting and pulling on Haru's lip in fire and grit as they kissed aggressively, hormones taking over. Rin could feel the sweat on his skin with intensity, every hair on his body quivering as he slid deeper into Haru, Haru's fingers curling into the duvet, bedsheets rumpled around them. Rin was dying-slowly dying-but it was incredible, his body screaming for more, no more hesitation, no more embarrassment or second-guessing, just a quick pulse of heat, Rin feeling as if he were floating above his body-

Their breaths became shorter, Haru's mouth open as he panted, whispering:

'...I'm close...'

'I've got you, Haru. You're right here...'

Rin felt Haru's orgasm rip through him, Haru's body getting tighter around Rin as it clenched-that was all Rin needed.

The air was running out in Rin's lungs but Haru's name still managed to escape from his lips as a broken cry when he came, pulling away afterwards and lying still in silence. Haru's hand found his, his fingers in Rin's atop of the bedsheet.

'Rin.'

The way Haru looked at him... with such blue eyes... Rin could fall into them: he was sure he'd never love anyone else as much as this. He ran a hand through Haru's hair-the dark strands wet from perspiration-tears burning up in his eyes. Rin had almost forgotten that after this, he had to say goodbye.

'I-' Rin started to say something, but his voice cracked.

'Do you want something to drink?'

'I'm fine.'

'I have water and milk, but I can make tea-'

'Haru, I don't want anything to drink... c'mere. Let me hold you for a minute.'

Rin shuffled closer to Haru and held him, Haru still in his arms. Haru wasn't stupid and knew when something was wrong, silent as Rin stroked his hair.

'We don't have to end,' he said, gently. 'Because you go away.'

Rin didn't reply. Rin loved Haru with all of his heart, but didn't know if they had a future together.

...Not one outside of his dreams.

* * *

><p>Neither of them mentioned that night of sex after Rin left-it seemed an unspoken topic. Haru came to the airport with Rin to see him away for Australia.<p>

'Succeed, Rin,' Haru ordered, determinedly.

'Yeah, I will. You become an Olympic swimmer too, and we'll be able to swim together, okay? You know we'll meet again in the worldwide races before this time next year if you're fast enough?'

Haru nodded. He took a step closer for a kiss, but Rin took one back.

'...I-I've got to go. The plane leaves at four, so I need to...'

It was uncomfortable for them both as they both knew what a denied kiss meant, especially before Rin got on a plane to _move country_. The look in Haru's eyes was more than hurt: it was agony. Rin walked a few steps away when Haru called his name:

'Rin!'

Haru faltered as Rin spun around, the pain on his face becoming more apparent as Haru tried to pick out the right words to say... they weren't coming.

'...Promise you'll call.'

The voice sounded weak, even to Rin... he smiled and waved his hand.

'See you.'

Then he was gone.

Rin didn't know if anything would come out of staying in contact with Haru. Yes, he loved Haru, but he loved Haru so much that it hurt and Rin had to put his own future first, his career before his life with Haru. His dreams had come before Haru-they needed all of his attention. A long distance relationship with Haru, the time put into contacting Haru, the depression that came with missing Haru would drag Rin down during swimming, because Rin had missed Haru before and it had fucked up his performance bigtime... Haru would be an anchor that would wrap around his ankles and pull him to the ocean floor to sink, simply by being in Rin's thoughts, but not with Rin in person. Rin loved swimming with Haru, talking to him, having sex with Haru, just being by him, but his love for Haru made him self-destructive.

Rin found Haru's number on his contacts and deleted it.

A month after he'd arrived in Australia, Gou called, bringing Haru up.

'Haruka came to the house... Rin, he asked for your number-he was concerned. You told him you were in love with him, then left and cut contact... the least you could do is text...'

'Tell him...' Rin broke off. 'Tell him we're over... and I'm sorry to do it like this.'

'Rin... you_ can't_-'

Rin clicked off the phone, sliding it back into his pocket.

Rin had made several bad decisions and he'd live to make several more, but leaving Haru that way was one he'd regret until he died.


	2. I can't put it into words

There was a hammerhead shark swimming loops above Rin, its shadow playing across him, Rin loving the reflections of water over Haru's body. He and Haru were on a bed, Rin's fingers skimming over Haru's face. Rin didn't know how Haru could have both high cheekbones but rounded cheeks, too, or how his eyes could be so blue... Rin immersed himself in them. His fingers traced each vertebra in Haru's spine, Haru's shoulder blades more curved than the average persons, muscles fitted to his slim build. A kaleidoscope of light drowned them both out, kisses spilling from Rin's lips. There was a whole palette of colours around them... a palette of feelings...

'Haru...'

They were all for him. Tears burned up in Rin's eyes as Haru's fingers tangled in Rin's hair, because Rin _knew_ this was where it ended. He embraced Haru harder, not ready to wake up yet-

Rin woke up.

It was 11pm in New York and Rin sat up in bed. There were damp spots on his pyjama bottoms, Rin hauling his twenty-three year old body up and making his way into the bathroom, turning on the shower. There was high-pitch giggling coming from the hallway, Rin supposing that Sousuke must have brought some girls back to the apartment...

_Girls:_ plural. More than one.

There was a surprise.

The shower water came out and Rin winced, the scar tissue on his right thigh searing in protest to the onslaught of hot water. The wound was six years old, so most of the pain was phantom-psychological-but the muscle had been penetrated. Rin knew his leg would never be the same again.

Six years ago, Rin had been forced to let go of his dreams with both hands. He'd made it to Australia on a plane and trained there for three months before he'd been caught in the crossfire of a terrorist situation.

Rin had gone to a restaurant with some friends when men had stormed in with guns, their faces covered. They were being chased by police and had pulled into the nearest stop they could find, holding everyone in the building hostage unless the cops backed away. Nobody was allowed to move-the men screaming they had nothing to lose-the police not wanting to come closer or back off, the men desperate not to lose their ground. After two hours, the police tried to creep in through the basement but were found. Shots were fired which bounced from the walls, one bullet grazing Rin's hip whilst the other sunk deep into his thigh. Rin was _lucky_, the paramedics told him, when they finally arrived: he'd had his entire life's dreams and years of training stolen away by one single bullet shell whilst the men who'd fired them ran away free, but he'd been one of the_ lucky_ ones.

That bullet had changed him forever.

After coming back to New York, Rin had applied for the local police academy; it was a mixture of things that compelled him to do this. For one, swimming professionally was now out of the question-whilst Rin could still swim, he couldn't do it on a competitive level with his thigh dragging him back. It would twitch from time to time where the bullet had been dug out and Rin would have spasms when he flexed it, occasionally having to haul the muscle after long periods of sitting or laying down. So, he'd needed a back-up plan, and being an officer just sounded... interesting.

More specifically, Rin wanted to become an officer because he wanted to help people. After what had happened to him at the restaurant and the incompetence and clumsiness of the police there, Rin didn't want to be a victim, anymore-he wanted to be the one rescuing hostages, arresting criminals, feeling a sense of pride and achievement as he helped civilians. He'd enrolled in the class late, scanning the desks as he was introduced when his eyes had locked onto Sousuke's.

Yeah: fate had a _weird _sense of humour.

'I'm going for my nightshift,' Rin said, not even sure that Sousuke had heard him over the: 'Yamazaki, you're so brave...' one of the girls was saying-there were two of them on the sofa, one either side of him, Sousuke talking to them in a deep voice... Rin supposed he was telling them some kind of fantasy story about all of the things he'd done as a cop... all made up, of course.

Sousuke usually brought people back to the apartment with him on weekends-both men and women-Rin didn't know where he picked them up. Sometimes, Rin saw the same ones two or three times, but they never came back any more after that.

'Don't be loud,' Rin growled. 'And don't do it on the sofa-we eat there.'

'Or what?'

'Or I'll kick you out.'

'You're not kicking me out of an apartment we share-'

Rin made his way to the station, changing into his navy uniform, ready for his night patrol. In the few months he'd been doing this job, Rin had learned one thing: that the 'police help everyone and make the community a better place,' fairy story was bullshit-to say that patrolling the streets of New York was unrewarding was an understatement. Rin's arm had been raked with broken bottles, he'd had people throw up on him, a day where he didn't receive death threats was a day when he didn't go to work-he dealt with antisocial behaviour, domestic abuse calls, traffic tickets... it was hardly anything heroic or pretty, and he rarely got so much as a 'thank-you' for what he did. People kicked him, people bit him, kids went out into the street with the deliberate purpose to wind him up-no, the job wasn't as cool as it looked in the movies. Still, Rin found a way to pride himself on it.

The shift ended at 9am and Rin went back to the lockers to change, to find Sousuke stretching by the benches for their switch-around. There was a lack of officers due to NYPD cuts, but sometimes Rin's work crossed over with Sousuke's or they both got assigned to one job.

'You look well,' Rin commented, unable to hold back the cynicism in his voice: Rin had spent the night rounding up drunks whilst Sousuke had been in bed with two girls.

'Jealousy doesn't favour anyone, Rin,' Sousuke said, with a small smirk. 'You could have joined in as well. Enough of me to go around.'

'I can't believe you sometimes.'

Rin tsked, but was eager for details.

'How'd it go?' He pressed.

'What?'

'Last night with those girls... were either of them keepers?'

'Oh...' Sousuke's face clouded over, as if he hadn't anticipated the question. '...for someone else, I'm sure,' he said, clipping up his belt. 'But not for me.'

Sousuke stripped his shirt over his head and Rin's eyes skimmed over his body. Sousuke was masculine, muscular from where he worked out, and although Rin didn't do as much as Sousuke, he still thought he did a lot-Rin filled out his uniform, too, especially around the arms and thighs. A cast was on Sousuke's shoulder and Rin watched him flex it.

'Still giving you trouble, huh?'

'It has its benefits,' Sousuke smiled. 'Chicks love it. I tell them there's burns underneath this cast from dragging some schoolchildren from a flaming building-'

'That's not how you got it,' Rin laughed. 'You fucking liar. You pulled the bone out of its socket lifting weights too heavy for you-'

'Regardless, I've taken a hit and used it to my advantage. And you-how do you feel?'

Sousuke's gaze lowered to Rin's leg, becoming sharper with concern. For all of their fighting, they took care of each other and covered each other's backs... they were a good team.

'Tired. Like I'm on meth.'

'Rin, we're cops. You can't say stuff like that.'

'I'll say what I want,' Rin raked a hand through his hair. 'Want some company for your patrol?'

'Hm, if you want... it won't be very fun. I've got some paperwork to tie up at the station first-'

'Doesn't matter,' Rin said, as he'd only fall asleep at the apartment and needed to stay awake until at least 6 to get his sleeping back to normal after the nightshift. He and Sousuke were the only ones in the work suite, Rin on a PC when Sousuke approached him.

'I'm going for my patrol now... what are you doing?'

'Working.'

'Adorable. What are you doing really?' Sousuke asked, sitting on the end of Rin's desk and twisting his monitor around. Rin started to protest but gave up, Sousuke reading the data on his screen.

'Personal Records, file 09764502, Haruka Nan...' he broke off. 'Rin. We're not allowed access to these.'

'This is totally legal!' Rin protested. 'I'm a cop-'

'Bending the law to your own whims to stalk your childhood crush is not 'totally legal,' Rin.' Sousuke replied, rubbing his forehead in an unimpressed way. 'It's infringement of the data protection act to look at personal files if they're not associated with a case, and you know that. There's a name for what you're doing... it's not legal.'

'Wearing your police uniform to nightclubs and threatening to shut them down to get free drinks isn't legal, either, but that never seemed to stop you.'

'Well, this is a shit job.' Sousuke shrugged his good shoulder. 'I might as well milk it for its benefits.'

Rin thought that last comment more than rested his case, eyes trailing back to the flickering screen. Haru's file on the database was blank, no photograph, no addressee, no prints- just a name... not even a late library book charge. It was empty.

It had been six years and Rin knew that he would probably never see Haru's face again. Rin's inability to swim didn't bother him, as Rin hadn't been able to stop himself from getting shot, but what had happened with Haru was different- it was entirely Rin's fault.

Rin had fucked up and it was only now that he realised the extent of what he'd lost. He'd upset Haru, cut contact with everyone from Iwatobi, been so obsessed with becoming a swimmer that he'd never even asked Haru what university he was going to... Rin had gone back to Haru's house to find someone else there. Haru had moved away, and left Rin overspilling with regret.

Sometimes, Rin wondered if he'd deserved to lose his dream, and if it wasn't the world's way of punishing him for only thinking of himself. Around Haru, Rin had felt so comfortable and safe... he'd never found that feeling again, and there wasn't another person in the world who was like Haru, no matter where he looked. He kept telling himself to get over Haru because nothing would come of it, that Haru was getting on with his life-probably a famous swimmer by now-but Rin wanted what he and Haru used to have back. He wanted to speak the words he'd been too nervous to say as a teenager, to tell Haru how precious he was, how much he meant to Rin, that Rin loved and missed him with all of his heart... that not a night passed when Rin didn't dream of seeing Haru again, of kissing him over and over and punctuating the kisses with the word: 'sorry,' knowing it would never truly convey the depth of the sadness Rin felt.

He'd _hurt _Haru.

And Rin just wanted a chance to make it right again.

'I'm waiting for something to come up,' Rin explained. 'Sousuke... all I want is an addressee-'

'You've looked more times than I can count. Rin, you've asked around, checked phonebooks, the internet and now you're keeping tabs on police files... you need to move on. People will come and go in your life.'

'I love him.'

'_Stop_,' Sousuke growled. 'Rin, we both know what you're like when you get obsessed with something-you peruse it to the end, and whatever that 'end' is rips you apart and makes you spiral into depression. Rin... what if you find Nanase and it's not what you expect? He's twenty-three... what if he's already with someone?'

'He wouldn't be.'

'What if he's _married_, Rin?'

'...Stop it...'

'What if he has _kids_? What if he's dead-'

'STOP IT!' Rin snapped, standing up. 'I'm going home: I've had enough.'

'Sorry... perhaps I was too harsh. C'mon,' Sousuke's tone of voice stayed level. 'Let's do that patrol then grab some lunch.'

They took a car for the patrol, and for a Monday it was strangely quiet: the usual rush of the city had slowed and nothing was happening on the streets-for once, crime seemed to be taking a day off. They parked the car by the pavement with the radio on low, Sousuke kicking his legs up on the dashboard.

'Any plans tonight?' He asked Rin.

'No.'

'I'm staying on at the gym... you up for an extra hour today?'

'Why not?' Rin replied, jolting when he heard sounds somewhere between children's laughter and screams coming from a nearby alleyway.

'Are those kids being murdered or having fun?' He asked and Sousuke shrugged, crunching a chocolate straw into his mouth before offering the packet to Rin.

'Do you want to pull the car around and have a look?'

'We're alright,' Rin replied, thinking about the last time he'd charged into an alley of screaming kids worried they were being kidnapped, only to find that one of them had picked up a dead racoon on a stick and started tormenting the younger ones with it-chasing after a twelve year old with a dead animal and not being able to catch up with him because of the bullet scar in Rin's leg wasn't something he particularly wanted to relive again... still, he kept his eyes on the windshield. A few seconds later, a flock of kids ran out-they'd been playing tag.

'This day isn't worth living,' Rin muttered, feeling as if he were wasting his time.

'Don't say that... lunch hour's here. Rin, there's this place I need to show you: a great restaurant I found the other day. Classy.'

At the word: 'restaurant,' Rin's bullet scar twitched.

'Sousuke, you _know_ how I feel about restaurants... I-I'm not going inside-'

'And you won't,' Sousuke assured. 'They've got outdoor seating.'

'All the same-'

'Look,' Sousuke exhaled. 'Rin, you need to face your fears-you can't avoid food stores all the time because of what happened to you. This place is great and it's the heart of the city... maybe you can ask someone about Nanase-he might have stopped in a few times, if he's still living in New York. You'd go into a restaurant to find him, wouldn't you?'

'The likelihood of him being there isn't exactly nebulous,' Rin snapped. 'We both know he won't be in there, so don't try and use him to make me do things I don't want to do! I'm getting out.'

'Good luck. I'm driving.'

'Sousuke, unlock the _fucking _car door-'

* * *

><p>'I can't believe this,' Rin muttered, as the police car pulled up outside of a restaurant. 'Wait until we get back to the station... I'm gonna report you for kidnapping.'<p>

'Rin, you need to relax.'

'You need to go fuck yourself,' Rin snapped, twisting his fingers restlessly. 'I can't _do_ this-'

'Rin,' Sousuke's voice was stern. 'It will be okay. I'll get you something you like so you don't have to go inside... you'll be fine.'

Sousuke came back out with two lattes, telling Rin that food was coming as they sat outdoors, and it was all on him. Rin had to admit that it wasn't so bad here... the restaurant had a certain opulence to it, but at the same time managed to be relaxed. The casual chatter of the people outside carried over the air, a pleasant hum of conversation around Rin as he sipped his latte. It helped that he could see the sky, too, and their car was right across from them-still, Rin couldn't managed to feel completely relaxed. Memories of crying women and children hiding underneath tablecloths and grown men with their arms around their head, praying not to get hit by bullets, kept playing out in Rin's eyes... it was hard for him to keep his feet flat.

'I found this streak of highway the other night,' Sousuke started. 'Just a solid strip of road-Rin, we could get some cars from the station and race.'

'We can't use police cars for street racing.'

'Yeah-we just need to put on the sirens and make out like we're chasing criminals-'

'We're the worst police ever,' Rin mumbled. 'Sousuke, how did we get jobs here? We're both injured, we stopped taking it seriously after the first week... neither of us can hold a partner, and I can't even get near a restaurant without wanting to curl up into a ball-'

'Hey... don't do that.'

'What?'

'Get upset. C'mon... foods here. This will cheer you up, guaranteed.'

Rin didn't think that any food would be capable of making him feel better, but he was surprised to find himself proven wrong-the food _was_ amazing, among the best Rin had ever tasted. Sousuke had gotten him some kind of panella recipe with leeks, cream and meat: everyone of Rin's taste buds moaned as he sucked on the food, feeling it melt and bubble in his mouth, each bite cooked to perfection. Suddenly, Rin was starving.

'What do you think?'

'...I want to eat this forever...'

'Yeah?' Sousuke smirked. 'Told you so. The chef has some talent, huh?'

'_Talent_...' Rin moaned. 'I want to _marry_ him-'

Rin took another mouthful, loving the textures against his throat-humming slightly as he swallowed when he noticed Sousuke's food.

'T-that's...'

'It's mackerel,' Sousuke replied, looking at the food on his fork. 'I felt like it today. What?'

Mackerel had been Haru's favourite food, but it wasn't just that: Haru cooked it differently. When it was fried, most people cut it in half down the middle but Haru was different... he peeled off the skin before and wrapped it around the mackerel again so that it got a crispier texture when it cooked, and divided each individual mackerel into thirds that were all different sizes instead of equal twos, putting the bigger pieces on the warmer parts of the pan so they got amounts of heat proportionate to their size, the smallest part curled on the edge, turned so that the side grilled as well as the bottom, two little crosses in each piece to let the cooking butter get in.

Rin shook his head-the stress at going into a restaurant must have started to drive him crazy-it was probably a common tradition to prepare mackerel like that... right? He was reading too deep into it... wasn't he?

Rin glanced toward the restaurant. If there was a chance that Haru was in there... no matter how small...

'I'm going to the toilets,' Rin said, and Sousuke raised an eyebrow.

'In the _restaurant_?'

'Yeah, in the restaurant.'

'Are you- I mean, you got over your fear fast... you going to be okay-?'

'Fine,' Rin replied shortly, making his way inside, snapping open the double doors to the kitchen. He was probably about to embarrass himself and knew that if he wanted to win Haru back, this wasn't the way to do it, but Rin_ needed_ to know if Haru was in here. Blood was racing around in his head-Rin couldn't think rationally.

'I'm an officer,' Rin said loudly, swiping his I.D from his pocket and flashing it at all the chefs who looked up at him in confusion. 'Constable Matsuoka from the NYPD-I've received information that there may be an individual here who is of critical interest to me. I'd like to take a look around.'

It wasn't a lie-not really-but Rin knew he was abusing his power regardless, and would get in serious trouble should anyone report him. He weaved around the countertops, looking at each individual chef's face for one he recognised, but it wasn't any good... none of them were Haru. With a 'thank you,' Rin left the kitchen, face to face with Sousuke when he came out.

'Rin, what the _hell _were you doing in there?!'

'I got lost,' Rin replied, removing his police cap, feeling moody... he'd really thought Haru would be here. Sousuke was right: he _did_ get carried away... maybe he was getting obsessed to the point where it hinged on depraved. The way he'd stared at the computer screen earlier, just happy to see Haru's name-yeah-that was _messed up_. With a sigh, Rin made his way back to their table, all hope shattered when he heard someone call his name from behind.

Rin hadn't expected to spin around and see Makoto.


	3. Encounter

**Luuka: **I put it in the intro, but I want to remind everyone that I changed Iwatobi to be a neighbourhood in New York for this fic... it doesn't work any other way I want. uhh. _  
><em>

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><p>It took a split second for Rin to spin around, but that was all it took to throw his world into disarray.<p>

'M-Makoto?!'

In six years, Makoto had grown older but he hadn't changed very much: his brown hair was cut in the same way, eyes warm and green with a gentle expression. He was still tall, wearing a firefighter's costume-a helmet slung over one shoulder-but Rin could clearly see the shape of Makoto's muscles, even though his padded clothes... he'd grown up to be very handsome-not that he hadn't been as a teenager. Rin swallowed to wet his throat; neither of them knew what to say to each other.

'I haven't seen you in _forever_,' Rin laughed as he and Sousuke sat down at Makoto's outdoor table, the situation feeling more than a little awkward, as Rin had been the one to cut contact. '...You're a firefighter now?'

'Yes, well... I happened to rescue a cat from a tree,' Makoto explained. 'And some firefighters who were called arrived just after I did and offered me an apprenticeship.'

The silence that came then was bone-grindingly uncomfortable, mostly because there was only one thought going through Rin's head and they both knew it-if Makoto was here, then Haru couldn't be far by. Whilst Rin didn't think Haru would have told Makoto exactly what had happened between them, Haru was an open book to Makoto yet unreadable to anyone else. The question fell from Rin's lips before he could stop it.

'How's Haru?'

Makoto didn't answer right away.

'...Good. He's fine.'

'Still swimming? Er, no... that feels like an obvious question-'

'He isn't,' Makoto said, bluntly and Rin blinked. 'Haru quit, actually. Around six years ago.'

Rin's world became wrapped in darkness.

When Rin had taken Haru to Australia, Haru had laughed and said that he wanted to swim in tournaments... he'd come home happy but since then, Haru had changed his mind. Rin didn't need to think why that was. He _knew_ what had changed. He'd left Haru, and Haru had stopped swimming in the past because of that.

At the age of 12, when Rin had gone to Australia, he'd come back to find that Haru had lost all of his motivation and stopped swimming because of Rin. This time, Rin had built Haru up-encouraged him to want to swim competitively-then left, breaking him back down. They tore each other apart only to stitch each other back up again... that was the way their relationship had been, always, from the beginning. But it had gone too far this time-Rin had clipped Haru's wings for the worst.

'What you did was incredibly selfish, Rin.' Makoto said. 'You put yourself before him. Did you know that Haru and I were with Gou when she made that call to you? He heard you ask your own younger sister to break off your relationship with him... that wasn't he deserved. How was Haru supposed to swim in worldwide tournaments knowing _you'd_ be on the podium next to him?!'

The words were spoken softly but cut into Rin like shards of ice. He wanted to say something to defend himself or provide an excuse, but Rin had never thought that what he'd done would hurt Haru so much. When Rin had broken up with Haru, it had felt like the right thing to do so that they could both focus on their dreams, then meet again in worldwide swimming races... this wasn't the future that Rin had wanted for either of them. His shoulders shook, sinking his teeth into his lip when Sousuke spoke up:

'Where's Nanase?' Sousuke demanded, in a deep voice. Makoto shook his head.

'You are absolutely not to go near him. Either of you. Haru is-'

'_Haru_,' Sousuke replied. 'Has a mouth of his own-he can decide if he wants to see Rin or not for himself. This score-keeping, grudge-holding game is pathetic... if you're not going to let Rin make amends, then how do you ever expect him to move on?!'

Makoto looked affronted by Sousuke's words, but remained unshaken.

'Haru doesn't need this. He's just experienced one bad break-up-'

'Six years ago was a long time back,' Sousuke replied. 'I'm sure he's over it now. He's a big boy.'

'I wasn't talking about Rin...' Makoto muttered, and something inside of Rin exploded.

'Wh-what do you mean, 'you weren't talking about me?' Who the fuck else has there been since me?! _Who?!_'

The thought of Haru with anyone else turned Rin's blood to fire, because he knew that noone understood Haru the way he did, and Rin didn't trust anyone else to treat Haru properly. Yeah, Rin knew he was being irrational by getting upset at the idea of Haru being with anyone else when:

a) Rin had been the one to leave Haru

b) It had been six years since they'd last spoken and

c) they'd only had sex once

But Rin felt as if their relationship had begun from the moment he and Haru had met: the second that Rin had laid eyes on Nanase, he'd thought: 'he will be someone precious to me,' and spent most of his teenage years trying to untangle his feelings for Haru, afraid to break the peace between them and lose the friendship they already had, only risking telling Haru the truth before he was about to go away. As well as that, Rin knew all too well that it wasn't easy getting into Haru's heart... that was why Rin couldn't accept this, that another person had filled his place... he _couldn't_-

'Who did Haru go out with?' He demanded. Makoto shook his head.

'They broke up... why does it matter?'

'_Because_,' Rin snapped. 'I need to know-'

Rin wasn't exactly sure what happened then: all he knew was that one moment he didn't have a slice of cake on his head, and during the next he did. From everything that Makoto had said and his lousy morning, Rin's temper had reached tipping point... he supposed one of the waiters had been carrying some cake then dropped it and Rin stood, yelling at the first person in front of him-

'Why don't you watch where the_ hell_ you're going?! What kind of crap service does this place... ahh...'

The second that Rin turned around, his anger evaporated. Blue eyes stared back at Rin from underneath black bangs, and suddenly Rin felt nervous-like a flock of frightened birds-temperature burning up with the heat of a star gone supernova, burning... burning for Haru. Brains, lungs, vocal chords... nothing in Rin's body wanted to work- all he could do was stare. Haru's eyes cut through Rin before he turned away, Rin still staring at him after that, unable to believe what was right in front of him-

'I dropped your cake,' Haru said to Makoto, who shook his head.

'No no no, it's fine... I'll get something else on the way back. We should get going to our usual place, Haru, or your lunchbreak will be over-'

'You seemed shocked and surprised to see Rin.' Sousuke said to Haru, a hand on his chin. 'That was why you stopped so suddenly and dropped the cake, wasn't it?'

A slight blush touched Haru's cheeks as he looked back at Sousuke, Makoto interrupting before he could respond.

'Sorry I'm a little late today,' Makoto said to Haru, as if the two of them were the only ones there. 'Actually, I just got here... I still have charcoal stains on my face-'

'It's fine,' Haru replied. 'I got held up.'

'Did you?'

'Yeah. An officer came into the kitchen and faked an investigation, but the station have been informed. It doesn't matter.'

At the word 'officer,' Haru had turned to Rin and Rin held his gaze, wetting his lips when Haru looked away. He felt tense...

'You fucking _didn't_!' Sousuke snapped, looking at Rin in disbelief but Rin couldn't deal with Sousuke and his career concerns now. Haru was deliberately avoiding looking at Rin, and there was something in his eyes that beckoned Rin to come closer... something in Haru's stare that couldn't hold up a defiant front, that fought to pull Haru closer to Rin, which was why Haru had to look away, for the fear that it took over. Rin had wanted to speak to Haru for so long and had so many things that he'd wanted to say, but now that Haru was right in front of him, Rin's memory had blanked. He wasn't functioning.

'Haru, we need to go,' Makoto pleaded. 'It's not going to be worth it-'

'Before that,' Rin interrupted, flattening out the words to make them as smooth as he could manage. 'Haru, there's something I'd like to talk to you about.'

'What?'

'Isn't it obvious?!' Rin snapped, standing up, heart fluttering a mile a minute. He wanted to say sorry for what he'd done six years ago or that he was still in love with Haru, but instead what came out was: '...compensation.'

'Compen... sation?'

'You dropped cake on me,' Rin said, taking a step closer to Haru and twirling a strand of his hair around his fingers, icing sticking together the strands. 'That's bad service.'

'Your fault...' Haru muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

'Because you were staring at me?' Rin asked. 'Haru, I'll be willing to let this whole thing slide if you find a way to compensate me.'

Haru's eyes flicked over Rin for a moment, with an air of serious considering.

'You can't do that,' Makoto protested. 'That's blackmail-'

'If I don't?' Haru challenged. Rin breathed in through his nose.

'I might have to arrest you...'

'Then arrest me,' Haru replied. 'Officer Matsuoka.'

Haru gave Rin a long look before turning around and walking back into the restaurant. Rin was more than half tempted to take Haru up on the offer by pinning him down on the nearest table and cuffing his hands around his back, biting down hard on his lip to stop himself. Sousuke had raised both of his eyebrows and his mouth was open slightly as if to silently ask Rin '_what the hell was that?!_' and Rin asked himself the same question. Was Haru flirting? He couldn't process it...

Rin spun around to watch Haru walk away. His black pants curved around a slender waist, covering his round ass, leading up to strong shoulders visible through his white chef's shirt... his dark hair was still cut short, slightly longer at the back but neat with his fringe curved towards the right: Rin couldn't drink him in enough. His slim body, smooth face, long legs and lean muscles..._ fuck_. Haru was a gorgeous aphrodisiac, and Rin found himself pulling closer to him like a moth around a light... nothing in the world could have stopped him from leaving the others at their table, following Haru back into the restaurant.

'RIN!' Sousuke yelled. 'Our next patrol is in fifteen minutes! ...RIN!'

'You can't come back here,' Haru said, when he realised Rin was following him. 'That ID stunt won't work again.'

'We need to talk.'

'If you want compensation, you need to go to the counter-'

'No, I... that wasn't what meant. Haru, I'm the one who needs to compensate you... for these past six years. I'm sorry.'

For a moment, there was a crackle of anticipation. Haru frowned.

'You need to wash your hair.'

'Haru, I don't care about my hair!' Rin said, running a hand through the strands. Most of the sponge had been brushed away but the cream definitely wasn't going to come out without shampoo, and the raspberry filing was being a _bitch. _'Why weren't you in the kitchen when I went in?'

'Store cupboard.'

'Which store cupboard?'

'In the cellar..._ Rin_!'

Rin took Haru's hand, pulling him down the steps underground into a room of boxes. Haru wretched his hand free angrily, eyes blazing like blue fires.

'Don't pull me around like a piece of meat! Rin, this is-'

'...not private enough...'

Rin took Haru into a small store cupboard nearby, shutting the door behind them with a deafening click. Rin's breathing was shallow and bounced from the stone walls... it was cold and cramped in here, gooseflesh coating Rin's arms as he stood with his back to the door.

'Get out the way,' Haru said. Rin refused.

'No. Not until we talk.'

'Get out of the way,' Haru repeated, taking a step closer to Rin.

'I can't!' Rin said, hotly. 'Haru, there are still things I have to say!'

Even though Rin had taken a different path to Haru, their fates had still managed to overlap and Rin would be damned if he let their relationship go here. He guessed it was true that old habits die hard, that it isn't easy to get over the first person you fell in love with, because Rin had never moved on... never _wanted_ to move on from Haru.

'Haru... you have to know that I'm sorry. When I was seventeen, I... I had a lot going through my head-I didn't mean to leave you in the way I did. I just thought that, considering our history... it would be better for our careers if we stayed apart-'

'I've heard enough.'

'I was just worried you'd drag me down-'

'_What_?!'

'That didn't come out right,' Rin mumbled, internally panicking. He felt anxious, and the more he went on the less he thought and the deeper he dug his own grave, but he really believed that Haru was the one for him:-he just couldn't manage to put the feelings into words. It had all come out in a bouquet of misguided apologies and excuses that he'd presented to Haru-things Haru didn't want.

'H-Haru, _listen, _y-you have to know that leaving you... it wasn't an easy choice. It wasn't as simple as getting on a plane, because I... these last few years I've spent thinking about you and regretting the way I made you feel, but I can't change it... all I can do is make it better. I know shutting you in a cupboard isn't the best way to do that, but you wouldn't give me a chance... I know you're still in love with me. I just have to look at you, and I know.'

It wasn't anything concrete-just a feeling that he and Haru were both on the same wavelength, that their very hearts came close to beating in synchronisation because this was what they both wanted- it was clear in the way Haru was quick to lose his breath, the slight flush of his cheeks and the way his eyes tried to wander away but lingered on Rin here and there, wanting to meet his face but glancing away after a few seconds. Still, Haru was _stubborn, _just as much as Rin-neither of them gave the other any ground.

'Believe what you want,' Haru replied. 'I want to go out. Open the door.'

'Keep it down... people will here us!

'You're the one who-'

Every time Rin's voice rose, Haru's tone went up with it, their faces inches from each other's. Haru's closeness, his voice and _eyes _were all too much, and Rin's resistance finally caved as he dipped in and stole a kiss.

It was short-lasting for perhaps a few seconds-and Rin made a small suck noise as he kissed Haru, having missed the way Haru had tasted and yearning for more. Even that small movement had left him near breathless, pulling back to see Haru's reaction.

'Don't ever do that again,' Haru said, quietly, and Rin realised he'd crossed a line. He nodded slowly, unable to look Haru in the face... that was when Haru leaned in and kissed him.

Rin's arms curved around Haru's back as their mouths met in long, slow, movements, each one drugging Rin for more. Haru pulled back when he'd had enough and Rin locked his arms underneath Haru's, holding the back of his shoulders lightly and putting his chin down on top of Haru's arm. Rin closed his eyes, sighing-he'd missed holding Haru. Now that he'd started, he never wanted to let go.

'Do you remember...' Rin spoke quietly. 'Haru... d'you remember our first time? I took you to that aquarium, 'nd you looked so happy watching the fish... I just wished you'd pay more attention to me...'

Rin had never forgotten their first 'date:' he remembered all of the little things. He remembered that he'd liked what Haru was wearing, that he'd been hungry because he'd been nervous to eat beforehand that it made him feel sick, so afraid just to move his hand and take Haru's as they walked. Rin had been scared of what Haru would think, scared that his hair was out of place and other stupid things he'd never worried about in his life... then had come their first kiss. Clumsy, filled with nose-bumping and breath-holding, Rin remembering the way his heart had melted in his chest, as he in turn had melted into Haru's arms.

'You were always jealous,' Haru replied. Rin laughed quietly into Haru's shoulder.

'And you weren't the same? Haru, the way you used to look at Sousuke... I don't understand what the deal between you both was... you're telling me there wasn't some jealousy there on your part?'

'I have to go back to the kitchen.'

'But you kissed me.'

'That was a mistake.'

'Don't say that,' Rin mumbled. '_Dammit_, Haru, I just-'

Words failed him so Rin leaned in to kiss Haru's neck, arms snug around Haru's hips as Rin licked, softly biting the skin. Haru wriggled.

'Don't.'

'It doesn't get you up?'

'It doesn't.'

Rin faltered a moment, the negativity in Haru's voice making him feel wary, the better part of himself telling him that this was wrong and to pull away. But it wasn't being heard: Rin had missed Haru, and the scare of losing him now after finding him again was too big... maybe if he just touched Haru a little more to remind him...

'Rin, _stop it_!'

Rin staggered a little as Haru pushed him back, the action brining him to a standstill. For a moment, Rin had lost control, then when he'd regained it again the world had become white, clicking in and out of focus...

'Oh, no... I'msorry. Haru, I'msosorryInevermeant, I... I wasn't thinking-'

'I want to leave now,' Haru replied, quietly. 'I won't repeat it again. Rin, I don't feel well.'

Haru's skin had paled and one of his hands rose up to grip the shelves but his fingers slipped on the wood, lids flickering half-shut.

'H-Haru, put your arm around me...' Rin stammered. 'I-I'll get you to a hospital.'

'No.'

'It'll be five minutes in my patrol car-'

'Leave me alone!'

'What is your_ problem_?' Rin snapped, having tried to help Haru to stand. 'Haru... after everything that happened, you don't trust me-'

'You were the one who messed that up,' Haru replied. 'You can't come back after six years and have whatever you want. Rin, get out of my way... how many times?!'

'I've upset you,' Rin snapped. 'I know, Haru, and I am so fucking sorry but I'm scared: you need to go to a hospital! What's wrong with you?!'

Haru's eyes narrowed in a bothered way and his mouth opened to say something but his breath caught short in his throat and he collapsed, Rin catching him in his arms before Haru could crumple, slowly lowering him down. Haru coughed, and three drops of blood fell from his mouth onto the stone floor in small circles.

'I-It's going to be alright,' Rin gasped, fumbling to get Haru on his back. Paranoia and desperation consumed Rin as he took Haru into the street, guests looking up from the outdoor tables and whispering, Sousuke-who was snake-charming Makoto-looking up in shock and confusion when Rin shouted at him through tears to start the car, Makoto pressing Rin with questions in a frantic, desperate voice, between saying Haru's name. Rin strapped Haru into the back of the police car in the middle with Makoto beside him, gritting his teeth as he drove, skipping red lights and skidding around corners.

Haru's white chef's shirt was stained with specks of blood, and Makoto said that Haru's forehead felt cold.


	4. Insult

**Luuka:** thank you for the reviews! ^.^

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><p>The emergency ward of the hospital was chaotic. Haru was laid down on a stretcher and rushed inside, disappearing behind a set of double doors. Makoto spoke to a receptionist whilst Rin and Sousuke waited in the lobby.<p>

'I'm going back to the station,' Sousuke said. 'I'd better explain why we didn't check in.'

'I've got to stay-' Rin replied, looking at Sousuke with eyes of hurt. Sousuke nodded.

'Go ahead-it's your job. I'll inform them that a civilian collapsed and may have internal bleeding, so you're investigating the circumstances. I'll pick you up six. Is that reasonable?'

Rin nodded and mumbled: 'thanks,' and Sousuke put a hand on his shoulder, eyes flicking over Makoto's back before he left. The second that Makoto filled Sousuke's empty chair, Rin questioned him.

'What's happening?'

'They're running a CAT on Haru,' Makoto's words were drowned out in worry. 'But if that doesn't show any damage to his organs, then he'll get a stomach pump to see what he's ingested. Either way, it'll be between ten minutes to an hour before either of us can see him.'

'Is Haru ill?'

Makoto shook his head, rapidly blinking back tears.

'I-I-I don't know... I don't understand this, either-Haru's _healthy._ Unless something came up, b-but I...'

Makoto broke off, and they stayed together in silence. After ten minutes of Rin playing with his hands, he stood.

'This is bullshit!' Rin snapped. 'If Haru collapsed, then I've got the authority as an officer to at least make sure he's alright-'

'_Don't,_' Makoto ordered. 'Rin, you mustn't go in there! It's been over quarter of an hour, so they probably want to examine his stomach-that's something private that Haru wouldn't want you to see. Either of us.'

Rin tsked even though he knew Makoto was right, grief gnawing at him as he sunk back into his chair.

'Makoto... I have a favour to ask.'

'A favour?'

'I'd like... to see Haru by myself for ten minutes before you go in.'

'And do you think that's what he needs?'

'You know the way Haru feels about me,' Rin replied, in a low voice that only carried across to Makoto. 'Makoto, what Haru and I had never went away for either of us... even if Haru doesn't say it, I can still tell when he's around me. I know you can, too.'

Makoto turned away from Rin.

'Rin...' Makoto started. 'You're a trained member of the police force, aren't you? Can you fire a gun?'

'Are you both here for Haruka Nanase?' A nurse asked, peering up from her clipboard. '...I can show you the way to his room.'

Rin stood, glancing down at Makoto who flushed.

'A-actually, I-I'd like a moment to myself...'

Haru's room was up three levels and located on the temporary ward; Rin found him wrapped in his blanket, looking at the wall.

'How do you feel?' Rin asked. Haru didn't reply, other than:

'Makoto?'

'He's filling out some paperwork in reception... he'll be up soon.'

Haru pouted and huddled into his blanket. Rin laughed.

'What?'

'You look like a caterpillar.'

'It's cold.'

'Want me to ask the nurse for another blanket?'

Haru nodded and Rin got up, coming back a moment later with a cotton blanket that was barley thicker than a piece of paper-he didn't think it would help. Rin had a thicker one in the boot of his cop car, but that was currently in Sousuke's custody so he draped the thin one around Haru, who sat.

'The bed sheets feel like tissue,' he complained.

'You can't leave until they find out what's wrong with you,' Rin murmured, unable to miss the bloody tissues on Haru's bedside table. 'Unless you want to tell me?'

'...I don't know.'

'Well, these are for you.'

Rin dropped a bottle of water and a packet of deli sandwiches containing mackerel and mayonnaise into Haru's lap.

'I can't have these.'

'Why not?'

'A tube took everything out of my stomach,' Haru said, giving Rin a straight look.

'Oh...'

Rin knew that Haru had missed lunch so thought some food would make him feel better, but he'd forgotten the reason why Haru was here in the first place-

'Are you okay?'

The question was dumb and repeated, but Rin couldn't think of anything else to say and it was better than nothing.

'Fine.'

'The nurse said that the inside of your stomach is sore,' Rin explained, even though Haru probably knew this. 'They think you ate something that caused you damage. What did you have today?'

'An orange,' Haru said. 'And mackerel toast.'

Rin had to smile, because Haru hadn't changed at all during those six years apart.

'You didn't eat any mints? Like, a stranger didn't ask you for a bite of something, o-or one of the chef's made you sip some soup-'

'No. And I've already told the doctors all of this,' Haru said-he seemed testy, Rin noticed... looking in the opposite direction whenever Rin came too close, eyes wandering to the side. A doctor came into the room with Makoto, who comforted Haru for several seconds before the doctor spoke.

'We've examined everything in your stomach,' he said, to Haru. 'And we've found trace amounts of a chemical containing similar properties to arsenic-most likely a rat poison.'

'_Rat poison?!_' Rin and Makoto repeated. The doctor nodded.

'That's what it seems. Modern ones are designed to be tasteless, so you probably wouldn't have been aware when you consumed it, Haruka... providing you didn't take it willingly.'

'I don't get that hungry,' Haru replied. The doctor shrugged.

'Young people do all sorts for dares... everything is mixed up in your stomach, so it's hard to pinpoint the source... most likely, it was laced in a drink you consumed as you have tea residue inside you, but if it was a particularly fine poison it could have been added into water, or even baked into bread. At any rate, the amount wasn't lethal-it caused a reaction in your stomach that will have you in agony, so relax for several days until it passes through your system so you can recover. You probably collapsed because you were overwhelmed by the pain.'

'And the blood?' Rin asked.

'The fundus on Haruka's stomach is aggravated by the poison and flaking, but that part can regenerate,' the doctor explained. 'As long as the blood he coughs up stays below teaspoon amounts, then it's fine-just his body's way of flushing out the bad. Haruka, you'll cough a lot and be sick during these next few days, but overall you'll be fine... as long as you don't eat any more.'

'I didn't eat it,' Haru said. 'I don't know how that got into me.'

'Just pay attention to what you consume-we'll prescribe some water pills and medications to help you heal faster. That's all for now.'

The doctor left and Rin sighed, putting his head in his hands.

'Haru...' Makoto begun.

'I don't know how that poison got into me,' Haru repeated. 'So drop it.'

'B-but isn't it possible th-that, um...'

'Drop it.'

Haru's tone of voice was stern. Rin knew that he was definitely missing something from the worried look in Makoto's eyes and the cold one in Haru's, but the atmosphere was heavy... Rin had never felt anything like this between the two of them before.

'I've been thinking,' Makoto said. 'H-Haru, I know you're staying with me, but I think you should spend the night at Rin's. It will be... better for you... to be with someone like him, and Yamazaki, too... if Rin is okay with it.'

'_Yeah_-' Rin said-probably faster than normal. 'N-no, um... that's not a problem for me. If it's okay with Haru?'

'I don't care,' Haru replied, looking too worn down to even see clearly-Makoto brushed Haru's cheek with his nose and whispered something into Haru's ear before getting up. Rin opened the door for him.

'Don't try anything,' Makoto muttered, to Rin. 'I didn't do that for you-it was for Haru's protection.'

'Protection?'

Makoto blushed and left, and Rin shut the door, dropping down into the chair next to Haru. Haru pulled his blankets up to his shoulders and rolled over to face the window, as if Rin's presence upset him-Rin didn't know what to do. Several times, he considered reaching out a hand to touch Haru's back and tell him it would be okay, or ask him one of the thousand questions in his head, but he knew that Haru would want to be undisturbed. Haru coughed occasionally and wrinkled his nose into the pillow, Rin passing him clean tissues, wondering where they went from here.

* * *

><p>At 5:55, Rin waited on the pavement for Sousuke, going back in to fetch Haru when he saw the car coming. Haru had to wait inside as both the doctors and Rin had patronised him about standing up for long periods so much that he'd just gone along with it in the end-Rin could tell that Haru was in far too much pain to disagree. A part of his stomach was <em>corroding<em>, and there was nothing that Haru could do but wait for it to stop.

'Oi, the station want a full report on the situation tomorrow, because they don't believe me,' Sousuke informed Rin, who had opened up a back door of the car. 'Rin, what are you do... oh.'

'Haru is coming home with us,' Rin said, as he got into the passenger's seat.

'Why?'

Rin gave Sousuke a hard look that said: 'why do you think?', and they started to drive. For a few seconds, the only sound came from the car engine until Sousuke spoke:

'...I can't believe you managed to pull him while he was in hospital.' Sousuke snorted, and Rin made a protest noise then started to choke on air.

'Th-that's n-not why I-I... d-don't just assume...!'

Haru was quiet, looking out of the car window, pretending he hadn't heard.

* * *

><p>They didn't speak any more in the car, Rin spending the journey glaring at Sousuke and snapping at him whenever he missed a green light. Rin gave Haru a forty second tour of his and Sousuke's apartment when they got back, taking Haru through to his bedroom.<p>

'So... this is where you'll be,' Rin said, crawling across the bed to shut the blinds on the window, New York traffic racing around outside beneath them. 'There's a stereo if you want to put on some music to cover up the sound of traffic, and um... other things... do you want to change your clothes?'

Rin fumbled through his drawers to find an old T-shirt and a set of long bottoms for Haru-probably not the other man's taste, but they would feel comfortable and cleaner than his own blood-flecked work uniform. When he turned around, Haru's chef's shirt was gone and he was sitting shirtless on Rin's bed, loosening the catch on his belt when Rin caught Haru's hands, flushing hard.

'H-Haru, w-wait a second... you don't have to undress _now_. H-here-'

Rin thrust his t-shirt into Haru's arms and looked away as Haru pulled it over his head. He thought that if Haru put a shirt on, it would make Rin less attracted to him but that didn't work: the shirt was loose underneath the arms and a little baggy around Haru's hips, so now the situation was only _more_ difficult to deal with because Haru was sitting on Rin's bed, wearing Rin's clothes... they looked good on him.

'Are you feeling better?' Rin asked, twisting his fingers in a futile attempt to distract his attention.

'I'm coughing up parts of my own organs,' Haru replied.

'A-ah, yeah... sorry. Shit, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, I just-'

'You didn't.'

'No, I mean with all of this. Haru, the first time I see you again in six years and you're rushed into hospital-'

'It's bad timing.'

'Me or the poisoning?' Rin asked, only realising after he'd said it that he'd come on too strong. Haru shook his head, uncommenting. '...Sorry.'

'You keep saying that,' Haru replied. 'Don't.'

Rin had been trying to keep his trail of thought innocent, but he couldn't help but notice how perfect Haru was when they were close: he was gorgeous, all smooth, clean skin and intelligent blue eyes, stoic and composed-the current opposite of Rin. Rin's cheeks were so hot that he wouldn't have been surprised to see smoke coming from his skin, rubbing the back of his neck to feel how hot it had gotten as if to complete the mental imagine.

'Uh, I'm gonna take a shower,' Rin said, standing. 'I still have to get this icing out of my hair, and... uh, you can go ahead and use the bath for as long as you want when I'm done. If there's anything you need, just let me or Sousuke know-'

'Thank-you,' Haru replied, with a tired but sincere expression. Rin grinned, threading a finger through the loophole in his utility belt, flicking the hem of the police cap on his head.

'I just want to make sure that you're safe, Haru,' he said, and Haru looked down at his lap. Rin showered then walked into the kitchen floatily, feeling weightless.

'What?' Rin asked, when he noticed Sousuke staring.

'Nothing,' Sousuke crossed his arms over his chest. '...wish you'd be as sweet to me as you are to Nanase. I don't get any special treatment.'

'You get as good as you give,' Rin replied, a-matter-of-factly, opening a cupboard. 'Why don't we have any food?'

'Shopping night is tomorrow- we're always low before then. Ah-I see something at the back...'

'...wow,' Rin mumbled, pulling out a cheap easy bake macaroni sauce that he and Sousuke had bought when they'd first moved in and finances had been tight-not only was the food disgusting, but now also _green_-there was some kind of miniature big bang going on inside of the jar involving fungus and processed cheese. Rin dropped it into the trash compactor where it belonged.

'Takeout?'

'Ahead of you,' Sousuke muttered, waving a leaflet of Chinese food in the air. For one moment, Rin considered knocking on the bathroom door and taking the leaflet in to Haru to ask him what he wanted to get, imagining Haru naked in the bathtub, wet and dripping... the air heavy with hot steam...

Rin gave himself a moment to breathe, swallowing hard over the lump in his throat. No: Haru had been through enough today. He didn't want to be harassed-he'd want time to himself. He wrote Haru down for the mackerel stir fry, knowing that Haru probably would have chosen the same thing, anyway.

'Rin,' Sousuke said, seriously. 'What happened at the hospital?'

Rin dropped his voice and came closer to Sousuke as he explained about how the doctors had found rat poison in Haru's stomach, Sousuke listening silently with a few fingers supporting his chin, leaning against the kitchen counter. From working in the force with Sousuke for several years now, Rin had learned that he was generally good at processing facts and managing situations like these: at any rate, Rin needed to talk to someone about it, and he trusted Sousuke.

'...the doctors passed it off as an accident, saying that Haru probably ate some food in the restaurant that was meant as rat bait, but I just don't know if I believe that,' Rin finished, frowning. 'Haru isn't stupid. He's not saying anything, as usual, and got irritated with Makoto over, well... I don't know why they disagreed-'

'A suicide attempt?' Sousuke asked.

'Like hell it was... Haru would never do something like that! Sousuke, he didn't have enough to_ kill_ him-'

'Then he tried to kill himself but got cold feet.'

'No,' Rin shook his head. 'Again, that isn't Haru. I keep thinking over and over that if there's a possibility someone gave Haru that poison deliberately... that if someone he trusted tried to cause him harm, then I-'

Rin broke off, not wanting to get to the end of his own sentence.

* * *

><p>The Chinese takeaway food they got later that night was good, but Rin didn't think it compared to Haru's cooking. All three of them sat in the living room, Haru struggling to eat his food: he'd picked out the shreds of mackerel from the stir fry with some of the white rice side, but the rest was untouched. Rin knew that Haru's throat was sore from where his stomach had been pumped, and that Haru was still in pain due to the poison inside of him; Haru's legs were folded on the carpet and he was quiet, looking tired as he sipped his glass of water.<p>

'Are you done?' Rin asked him. 'Don't worry about what you can't eat. This place gives you a lot of food and not always I eat all of mine, either-'

'Well, that's a lie,' Sousuke replied, and Rin shot him a dark glare.

'Don't you have somewhere to be?' He half-snapped. Sousuke stretched.

'That's right... I'm going gym for a few hours. Ahh... _shit_.'

Occasionally whenever Sousuke lifted his arm over his head, the bone would pop out of the plate and he'd have to put it back in: he pulled his shirt over his head and put a hand on his shoulder over the cast to apply pressure, gently massaging the bone underneath to ease it. Rin knew that Sousuke had to do this, but wished he hadn't done it here and _now_, because his half-naked body had attracted Haru's attention.

'Can you hurry it up?' Rin asked, lifting his shirt to scratch his stomach as casually as possible, to remind Haru that he had pretty impressive abs, too, but Haru wasn't looking in Rin's direction-Haru watched Sousuke toss his gym bag over his good shoulder and give Rin a wave from behind, eyes following him to the door. The silence after Sousuke left was miserable.

'Does Yamazaki go out a lot?' Haru asked.

'All of the _time_.' Rin replied, hoping he could curve Haru's thoughts away from Sousuke, because if the world fucked him over so much that his childhood crush and best friend both ran away to be together, then Rin actually thought that a traumatic breakdown would finish him off. 'He's an inconvenient boyfriend,' Rin continued. 'Haru, he won't give you any time and takes everything so seriously... no, you don't want to get involved with him.'

If anyone else had said those things about Sousuke then Rin would have snapped at them that Sousuke was _flawless_, as he was usually loyal to his best friend, but this circumstance was an exception. There was more silence.

'It must be difficult for you,' Haru said, eventually. 'To be with someone like that. I won't tell him you kissed me.'

'Wh...'

For what seemed like the umpteenth time that day, Haru had rendered Rin speechless: Rin was still, blinking, Haru's words settling like snow.

From the way he'd argued with Sousuke in the car, the way they both lived together in an apartment and knew everything about the other combined with the fact that Rin was currently treading glass around Haru all sent out mixed messages: it was possible, Rin realised, that Haru wasn't angry with Rin for what had happened six years ago, but because he thought that Rin and Sousuke were together and going through a bad patch, and that Rin was just using Haru to relieve some stress.

'Things aren't like that, Haru,' Rin whispered, and all of the gravity in the world couldn't have stopped his hand from rising up to touch Haru's arm. 'It's you... it's always been you who I'm in love with, but I... I fuck it up, or always miss the mark all of the time-'

'Not all of the time,' Haru replied, and Rin swore that his heart was beating loud enough for both of them to hear. Haru's palm was light-gentle-barley pressing against Rin's shoulder, Rin's hands moving up to Haru's neck and skimming over the bones in a caress-he hadn't touched Haru in far too long. Rin kissed Haru on the cheek then dragged his nose along the soft skin, moving in toward Haru's mouth for a kiss when Haru pressed a finger against Rin's lips.

'The inside of my mouth tastes like blood,' Haru said, then coughed, as if on cue.

'Right,' Rin nodded. '...Yeah.'

'But if you want to kiss me, you can,' Haru said, steadily. 'I just can't open my mouth.'

'Oh... well, I could... give that a try...'

Rin could kind of see what Haru was envisioning, but he didn't know if it would work: to not tilt his head, suck, bite or probe Haru's mouth with his tongue whilst their lips were touching was to go against every instinct in his body, but Rin tried anyway.

It was the awkwardest kiss Rin had ever experienced, not really what Rin would call kissing, more the bumping of lips for as long as they could manage. Rin tried hard not to do anything which might encourage Haru to respond by opening his mouth, both of them squeezing their eyes shut in concentration when it occurred to Rin that _this was how fish kissed each other_-

Rin laughed against Haru's mouth, shoulders shaking as he pulled back.

'What?' Haru asked, looking ruffled.

'Nothing,' Rin lied-still laughing. 'That was a good kiss, Haru-as good as any I've ever had,' and when Haru gave him a firm look, added: 'okay, so it wasn't very romantic, but we made it work, didn't we?'

'Until you started snickering,' Haru said, frowning, and Rin wondered if Haru was distressed by the fact that Rin had laughed, but Rin hadn't meant to-it was the_ situation_ that had been too awkward for him to deal with, not being close to Haru. Haru made an effort to look annoyed, but it didn't last for very long as a yawn pulled his face and the serious mask cracked, Rin following Haru into the bathroom and giving him a new toothbrush. It was a little weird, Rin thought, that he stayed with Haru and watched him brush his teeth, then went with him into the bedroom when there wasn't really any _need _to do that: Rin told himself that he was worried about Haru collapsing again due to pain, but that wasn't the real reason, he knew. He'd just started following Haru and couldn't stop.

'So, um... I'll be on the couch,' Rin said, tucking Haru into the chocolate, tartan print bedcovers and contemplating if he should kiss him goodnight... better to play it safe and not try anything. 'Uh... sweet dreams, Haru.'

Rin turned around to walk away, when-

'Rin?'

'What? Need some water?'

'...I can't sleep,' Haru replied, and Rin turned around to see Haru cuddling into the duvet, smelling the sheets for Rin's scent whilst watching Rin's eyes. Rin's pants tightened painfully and he curled his fingers.

'Well, part of your stomach is flaking up,' Rin said, trying to sound composed over the increased roughness of his breathing. 'All you can do it wait for it to heal. ...I also think if you lie in the bed for more than ten seconds, Haru-most people don't give up until they can't settle for about an hour. Goodnight.'

Sleeping with Haru was a possibility that Rin had denied himself, because didn't trust his own body. Rin hadn't done anything in a long time so he felt tense, wound up, knowing that if he felt Haru beside him in his sleep, his brain would get excited and provide him with some fantasy dream scenario, driving him to orgasm. If Haru woke up with Rin's sperm all over his back... it didn't look good, to say the least. He would definitely think Rin was perverted, and Rin didn't exactly have an infinite number of chances to win Haru over, plus knew the other man had never been one for putting up with things that bothered him.

'My chest hurts,' Haru tried.

'I know, but you have to endure it-unless you're really ill, then I can't stay with you... sorry.'

Rin turned to leave, when-

Cough. Cough.

'Haru? What is it, what's wrong?'

'I'm really ill, Rin,' Haru replied. Rin rolled his eyes.

'Go to sleep!'

Two big, blue eyes stared up at Rin from the pillow, seeming to plead for Rin to come into the bed and Rin wanted to take them up on their offer. He really did.

'The medicine isn't doing anything,' Haru replied.

'Well, it won't. Most medicines only work so quickly because of their placebo qualities, s-so for someone as straightforward as you there won't be any psychological benefits.'

Cough. Cough.

'That's so fake, Haru,' Rin muttered, flushing. '...I'm going on the couch.'

Ten minutes of lying on the couch and Rin heard the living room door creak open, then the soft sound of footsteps. He felt a thump as a pillow was placed beside him, feeling Haru press against his body.

'You're crazy, Haru...' Rin muttered. 'You're going to give us both back pains if you sleep here.'

'It's comfier here,' Haru informed Rin.

'How is it comfier on a two seater couch compared to a double bed?'

'It just is.'

'...right.'

Six years had left Rin starved for Haru's attention, but he didn't care if he scored tonight: when he'd asked Haru home with him, that had never been his intention-Rin honestly just wanted to know that Haru would be alright. They weren't teenagers anymore, but still, Rin didn't know what to do or say-he lay against the couch cushions staring up at the cieling, Haru still beside him.

'I've missed you...' Rin mumbled. 'I know it sounds washed up by now, but honestly I-I-'

'Don't talk about that,' Haru replied, quietly. 'Go to sleep.'

'...it's just hard,' Rin said, after a few moments. 'To lie here next to you...'

'What's hard?'

'T-the situation!' Rin flushed, angrily. 'Haru, you're not helping so cut it out, you know exactly what you're doing so don't make things any worse!'

The attempt to brush Haru aside only made Haru laugh-a soft sound that Rin had never heard very often, if hardly ever.

'You're cute, Rin.'

'S-shut up.'

Haru buried his head in Rin's back.

'...Is it better now?' He asked, and Rin had thought that he would reach tipping point if Haru so much as touched him, but was surprised by the way his body calmed down, naturally relaxing against Haru. He felt all of the tension slip away, the dizziness as if he'd just gotten out from a fair ride subsiding as Haru curled closer against him.

Rin shut his eyes, his breathing softened and before he knew it, he was asleep.

* * *

><p>It was around eleven when Sousuke got back, opening the door to see the outline of Rin asleep on the couch in the lounge, the only light coming in through the window. Haru was sat on the floor beside him and followed Sousuke into the kitchen, watching him open the refrigerator and drink some orange juice from the carton.<p>

'I need to leave,' Haru said. Sousuke laughed.

'Rin trap you in?'

When Haru didn't reply, Sousuke continued, irritably:

'I thought you were staying the night.'

'Things have changed.'

'Rin is asleep-he'll want to make you breakfast when he gets up.'

'...it's better for us both if I go now.'

Sousuke advanced on Haru, his shadow falling over him, analysing the other man critically.

'You're scared,' Sousuke summarised. Haru didn't deny that. 'Who'd you date before Rin?'

'It's over,' Haru replied, in a stern voice but Sousuke didn't miss the slight waver. 'We broke up.'

'Good terms?'

'...'

'Of course not,' Sousuke's eyes closed momentarily. 'They wouldn't give you rat poison if they were happy with the arrangements now, would they? See, Rin may not be able to think clearly whenever you're around him, but it's obvious what's going on here.'

Sousuke tossed Haru a set of keys and walked to the kitchen door.

'Do what you like.' He stopped in the frame with his back to Haru. '...tell me whats going on, and I can help you at the station without Rin finding out. He's finally found you again,' Sousuke's voice dropped by degrees. 'If anything happened now, it would mess him up so think about him before you make any stupid decisions. That's all I have to say.'

* * *

><p>Rin woke up at 6am the next morning with a headache and a neck cramp from where he'd slept over the side of the armrest, rubbing his head as he scanned the room. Sousuke was sitting on the opposite sofa in tracksuit bottoms, eating cereal.<p>

'Wheres Haru?'

'He left.'

'You let him_ out_?!' Rin demanded, and he moaned. 'Why did you do that?!'

'Rin, I couldn't physically stop him from getting out of the door.'

'You know what I meant,' Rin growled, upset that he hadn't at least gotten Haru's number. Okay, so maybe Haru never used his phone, but still, Haru's _number_- 'Why did you give Haru the key?'

'I unlocked the door in front of him, I couldn't lie and say I didn't have-' Sousuke stopped talking when he saw hurt crossing Rin's face, expression softening as he realised he'd let something slip.

'...Haru left in the_ night_?' Rin asked, and for a moment Sousuke wondered if he would cry. 'Sousuke, he's in pain... what if Haru collapsed again-'

'I wouldn't worry about him. Rin, we've got our own problem to deal with... take a look at our front door! Our landlord is going to kill us.'

Rin and Sousuke's apartment was upstairs, elevated over several shops, with the front door around the back at the top of some concrete steps that led to the brick building. Rin took a few steps back, examining the front door and exhaling.

_'Shit..._'

Someone had sprayed graffiti across the surface of the wood, a single word in pink airsole, the dot on the exclamation mark replaced with a little heart. The slow drying spray had started to run, giving an image of the words bleeding onto the pavement, the writing unmistakeably reading:

WHORE!


	5. Bruise

Rin's life had held better days than today.

Everything happened so suddenly after he'd woke up to find Haru gone-the graffiti on his apartment door reading: 'WHORE!' was flattened down and pushed to the back of his mind a few hours after Rin had come back from the gym, a missed call from the chief of the NYPD registering on his cell. Rin picked it up from the counter and redialled, balancing the cell on his shoulder as he clicked on the TV by remote.

'Constable Matsuoka, what seems to be the...'

Rin didn't need to ask why the police department had called him on his day off. The television answered the question for him.

The image depicted on the screen was chaos: a large, glossy building that Rin recognised as one of New York's scientific research centres had been reduced to rubble, the buildings beside it also in ruins which were engulfed by flames. Firefighters were desperately struggling to put out the blaze and there was the sound of sirens over the news reporter in the foreground, who was desperately trying to explain the situation.

'...not exactly sure what happened, police aren't releasing any detailed information although this is rumoured to be a terrorist attack. Health officials are rushing to the scene, any survivors from the explosion have been apprehended in custody-'

The lab was a few minutes away from Rin, who pulled on his uniform and sprinted, using his badge to get past the police who blocked the road all the way. Sousuke was part of the police blocking the road.

'What's happening?' he asked.

'Noone knows. One of the labs exploded and set a couple of buildings alight.'

'Shit...' Rin exhaled. 'What a mess. This is my day off... I'd better get overtime.'

'Doubt you will,' Sousuke snorted. 'It was a violent explosion. Victims cut in half. Scattered up the walls-'

'Lovely.'

'Most of the lab are dead. There's rubble everywhere, and any remaining parts of the lab got sealed away by it. They're bringing in a crane to shift it but an entire multi-story building collapsed, so it's going to take some time before they can get forensics to find the cause.. The explosion happened from within-the whole building caved.'

'Do we get to investigate?'

'Fuck no,' replied Sousuke. 'Rin, that's homicides playground-we get to keep out civilians. Oh... and this.'

Sousuke threw something at Rin, which Rin caught.

'Yellow tape. Help me seal off the road.'

'Great,' Rin mumbled. What was the point in waking up this morning?

* * *

><p>With Haru walking out on him, his front door being decorated with a curse word and an entire lab being blown up, Rin felt worn down. Sousuke bought him a coffee which he didn't really want, drinking it anyway on the hood of their cop car.<p>

'Heard a few things from the officers 'round the back,' Sousuke stared. 'The ones closer to the scene. They think the explosion was a terrorist attack.'

'You're kidding?'

'Wouldn't surprise me. Too bad we can't arrest the survivors for being weird... '

'What do you mean by: 'weird?' asked Rin.

'Hm... the lab was a cytological place that played about with cells... they were registered for cancer research, but that sounds like a cover. A couple of detectives found some dead bodies in the ruins.'

'So? You said most of the lab members died-'

'Yeah,' Sousuke 's face clouded over. 'But... the ETD on some of the bodies dates back months ago... before the explosion. They'd been drugged up with preserving chemicals.'

'Th...' Rin didn't know what to say. 'You think there was some kind of _experiment _with human beings going on in there?'

'Isn't that the easiest answer?' Sousuke's mouth became a line. 'If they were doing experimentation... committing crimes against humanity... and some pressure group got ahold of that news, a bunch of human rights activists could have blown up the lab, in which case it would be hard to tell the victims. Do you blame the activists for destroying the building, or do you blame the scientists for experimenting on humans?'

'They're both as bad as each other,' Rin replied, not wanting to get caught in some moral discussion-a few hours ago and Rin had been curled up on his sofa with Haru... now he was discussing dead bodies. Sousuke ran a hand through his short hair.

'Something's happening, Rin,' he said. 'Something _weird_ is going on in this city, but none of the survivors are speaking. There's a project.'

'What?'

'Who can say? They arrested a scientist-Ryugazaki someone-'

'Rei?'

'Yeah: he's the only lead right now, but he's not speaking.'

Rin had known Rei as a teenager, tutored him in swimming, bought ice pops with him, Haru and the others after practice... so, Rei tended to come across as a little crazy, but Rin didn't know if he was capable of _human experimentation_. Haru had trusted him.

...Then again, Haru may have trusted someone else and taken rat poison because of that... Rin didn't know what had happened since high school. All of his and his friends futures had messed up, and maybe it had gotten to them.

Maybe he didn't even know them, anymore. Any of them.

'It's lunchtime now.' said Rin. 'I'm going boyfriend hunting. Coming?'

'Back to Nanase's restaurant, huh...' Sousuke trailed away. 'Might be entertaining.'

'And what is_ that_ supposed to mean?!'

Sousuke didn't humour Rin with an answer. Rin kicked Sousuke in the leg irritably, and Sousuke gave a small smile which made Rin's heartbeat tremble.

He smiled, too.

* * *

><p>'What do you mean, '<em>he's not here<em>?!'

The girl at the serving counter of the restaurant blinked at Rin.

'S-sorry... Nanase called in sick today, so he hasn't come back. You're not the only one to come up to the counter... a lot of people complained the food doesn't taste as good... um... can I interest you in a limited edition chocolate and caramel muffin?'

'I can't believe this,' Rin snapped, sitting down at his outdoor table with Sousuke, as if it were all _his _fault- 'Haru's hasn't come into work-as if this day couldn't get any worse!'

'He was coughing blood the last time you saw him,' replied Sousuke. 'I wouldn't want that around food. Didn't the doctor tell you he needed three days?'

'W-well, I have to see him. I don't understand why he ran away last night...' Rin muttered. 'I thought he wanted to be with me-'

'Maybe he did, but something else came up. We have other issues at hand: Rin, I'd like to remind you that we have 'WHORE!' written on our front door.'

'I know, I know.' Rin exhaled. 'I'm going to buy some paint to cover it. And I've already placed the blame of that down to you.'

'Me?'

'It's those women you slept with! Sousuke, _two at one time_-'

'They have nothing to do with it.'

Rin caught on fast.

'You know something?'

Sousuke raised one shoulder non-committally.

'Sousuke...' Rin's voice constricted. 'That graffiti happened on the same night that Haru came to stay, right after his poisoning... Haru was about to stay with us, then that writing appeared and he suddenly left. If you know something I don't, then you need to tell me. _Please_.'

'I think...' there was a pause. 'I think you should hear it from Nanase yourself. Rin... from what he told me last night, he's not as sweet and innocent as you may think.'

* * *

><p>Two days passed whilst the removal of the rubble from the explosion site continued, and the investigation into the lab became more intense. A series of rumours had started to emerge, saying that the scientists were working on all kinds of things ranging from head transplants to zombies; Rin was watching the road when an unmarked van pulled up, and at least fifteen federal troops clambered out, armed with rifles, before...<p>

'Rin-chan!'

'_N-Nagisa_?!'

Nagisa was the last person who Rin had expected to see stroll out of a special operations van, especially here and _now_. It made him dizzy.

'What are you doing here?! ...Do you work in forensics?'

'Oh, uh...' Nagisa laughed. 'I'm not really supposed to say, but I can make an acceptation for you! I'm with NASA.'

'_NASA?!_'

'Ssshhh!' Nagisa urged. 'Keep it down! It's top-secret information, okay?'

Nagisa wasn't joking: there were troops all around him and he was wearing high personnel uniform, giving Rin a wink.

'How the hell did you end up in _NASA!_?' Rin asked, frankly scared and concerned for the future of planet Earth-Nagisa wasn't stupid, but Rin had always considered him the type who didn't take anything seriously due to his mischievous, happy-go-lucky behaviour... he didn't know if Nagisa's school grades had ever been great, either.

'Ahh, well... I only just met the height requirement,' Nagisa laughed, although that hadn't been what Rin meant.

'Why are NASA getting involved in the lab explosion?'

'They're not,' Nagisa replied. 'Only a certain branch! Rin-chan... you know there's more to this lab that meets the eye, right? But I can't say any more... I'm sworn to secrecy. I took a vow, and everything! I wasn't really supposed to tell you who I work for, but you're special-'

The world around Rin had started to blur, because everything was _too strange_. All of his friends had gone their separate ways, but now they were being pulled back together: Nagisa in NASA, Rei in the lab, Makoto in the fire department, Rin and Sousuke in the police force... and Haru... what connected all of them?

This situation was a lot to take in- Rin didn't want to focus on the huge, convoluted mystery of what had happened in the lab: he just wanted to crawl into bed with Haru, trip off the lights, shut the curtains and immerse himself in Haru. He went back to the restaurant where Haru worked during lunch for the third consecutive day, the girl at the counter giving him a nod and disappearing into the kitchen before Rin could open his mouth. Rin checked himself in the window reflection quickly to see if he looked presentable until the cashier girl emerged again, with Haru behind her.

'Rin-!'

'Heya,' Rin breathed, and all of the air seemed to drain from the room: Haru looked healthy, today. He was wearing his white chef's uniform with the blue neckpiece, black pants over his long legs which were absolute _catnip_ to Rin-the shadows underneath Haru's eyes were gone and he could hold Rin's stare.

'...do you want to go somewhere?'

Rin drove his cop car to a car park at the top of a hill in New York, overlooking the city-the individual buildings all caught the sun and glistened, and Haru looked even more attractive with them behind him. Rin found some soda and snacks in the hood of the car that he and Sousuke usually ate on traffic patrols, telling Haru that they'd be more comfortable in the backseat. Rin was sporting his usual flush as he climbed in beside Haru-_yeah_, he wasn't being very subtle, but fuck that: his imagination was _reeling._

'So...'

The silence was suffocating, like a crushing invisible force. Both of them had things they wanted to say, but none of the words were coming...

'So...' Rin tried again. 'The other night-'

'Sorry,' Haru said, the apology coming so instantly that it made Rin blink. '...I didn't want to leave you.'

'You didn't want to, huh...?' Rin ran a thumb over the faded leather of the seat, overwhelmingly interested in it: he couldn't meet Haru's eyes. His shying away habit was back with a vengeance.

'You're better now?' he asked, fighting the urge to lean in and kiss Haru's mouth, body screaming to steal away Haru's breath and taste him properly instead of those forced, desperate kisses in the restaurant storeroom and the awkward fish one in Rin's lounge.

'I'm fine.' Haru replied. 'You took good care of me.'

'Ah, I didn't do anything...'

Rin's hand smoothed down from the leather of the seat and hovered just over Haru's shoulder, feeling his palms grow hot, lips chapped so he licked them to provide moisture. He wondered if Haru was the same-desperately holding onto his composure, racking his brain for something to say, and even though Haru's expression didn't seem to suggest as much, the usual nonchalance in his face had softened and they were close enough for every nerve in Rin's body to feel the intensity. Haru didn't protest when Rin played with the dark strands of his hair, stroking the slightly longer bits by his ears with the back of two fingers, blue eyes watching Rin in a relaxed way.

'The shark.' Rin said, softly.

'What?'

'Uh...' Rin didn't realise he'd spoken aloud. 'Haru, that shark. You remember on our first date I took you to an aquarium, a-and there was a shark in the tank where we kissed... i-it's just been playing on my mind, because I don't know what breed it was.'

'Does it matter?' Haru asked, frowning.

'W-well, I feel like it's something I should know! I mean, I _think_ it was a hammerhead but I don't know, I wasn't paying atten-'

The words came to a standstill as Rin felt Haru's lips against his, Haru sealing the distance between them. Rin's eyes flickered shut, lost in the temperature and texture of Haru's lips-they were warm, wet and inviting... familiar, too.

Rin could kiss him forever.

The kisses were soft and Haru curved closer, Rin biting Haru's lips gently, reaching in to kiss Haru's face. He imprinted his lips into the skin and felt Haru shudder, the result of Rin's breath brushing across his neck and teasing... the feeling was getting to be too much.

The world was smearing yet simultaneously filled with so much clarity as Rin pressed Haru back against the seat, their lips pressing together at a variety of angles, all of them feeling so _right._ One of Haru's hands smoothed down Rin's cheek and stayed on his chest-holding it there-and Rin's hands both came up to ruffle up Haru's dark hair, brushing it back and loving the silky texture underneath his fingertips, kissing his cheek, hearing the small moans Haru made-

Then Rin froze.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a wound on Haru that made Rin feel as if he were dipped in ice-

He hadn't seen it before due to the way Haru's bangs covered his ear, but now that Rin's fingers were underneath them, there was no mistaking the bruises. There were deep, dark purple and black blotches covering Haru's left temple, stretching down to the bottom of his ear, tender when Rin's fingers brushed over them as Haru recoiled slightly.

'H-Haru...' tears burned up in Rin's eyes. 'W-what is this? What happened to you...?'

'What do you mean?'

'You know what I mean! The marks on your temple-'

'Is it bruised?'

'You mean you never even knew?!'

Haru frowned, as if struggling to remember something complicated in a genuine way which made Rin panic. The bruises looked severe enough to cause brain damage, large and incredibly dark... Haru had been lucky he hadn't been permanently hurt.

'This is related to the poisoning, isn't it?' Rin demanded.

'It can't be.'

'Don't _lie _to me, Haru!' Rin snarled. 'I'll kill them...' his voice dropped to a whisper. 'Haru, whoever did this to you, I'll find them and kill them, I swear-'

'That isn't possible,' Haru replied, hands soft on Rin's shoulder. When Rin didn't answer, he added: 'its okay-'

'It's _not_ okay!' Rin snapped, voice cracking like a whip and Haru's eyes widened a little. 'Not okay, Haru...' he repeated, swallowing to quieten his voice, putting his head on Haru's shoulder. He wanted to be sick. Rin didn't even want to know what had happen to Haru, because he didn't want to imagine it-all he wanted to know was the name of the person responsible and their addressee, and whoever the fuck he had to get past to get at them, because shooting them wouldn't be enough: Rin wanted to do it with his own hands. Choke the life out of them, because Haru was the_ last_ person who deserved this-

'He's dead,' Haru replied, closing his eyes in Rin's arms. 'I know, because... it was in front of me. There was a fire... Makoto got me out. But he didn't get him. That's why this can't be related to the poisoning.'

Rin adjusted himself in Haru's arms, not satisfied with that answer.

'Haru, I need to know _who_-'

'It doesn't matter!' Haru's voice was strong. 'I'm here... isn't that enough?! Isn't that what you wanted?!_ Leave this_, Rin!'

'H-Haru...'

It _wasn't _enough but Rin could clearly see that Haru wasn't going to give: if Haru had been bruised, carried from a burning building by Makoto then poisoned, Rin could understand his reluctance to bring up the subject, but there was a sharp undercurrent to Haru's voice that Rin couldn't place the meaning behind when he told Rin to stay away. Was the person who'd hurt Haru really dead..? Rin made a mental note to squeeze Makoto for the details the next time he saw him, then check the recent police records of fires. According to Sousuke, Haru had also said something to him-Rin wasn't going to drop this. Absolutely not; no matter what Haru said.

'I'll protect you,' Rin whispered. 'Haru, I'll kill anyone who comes near you...'

'You're over-reacting.'

'I'm not over-reacting!' Rin snapped. 'Haru, you don't get it-if I lose you, I won't get you back!'

Rin knew his voice had been too harsh, whispering by way of apology:

'I didn't mean to shout... I'm just _scared_ for you, Haru. A few days ago, you were poisoned and before that you said someone tried to burn you alive-then after the bruises on your forehead... how can I not feel that way after hearing something like that?'

'I made a mistake,' said Haru. 'That's what happened, but I'm fixing it, so don't talk about this, because I've had enough. You're worrying too much.'

'I-I'm not worried...'

Rin said that, although his stomach churned. The words made him a liar and he knew it, and Haru clearly wasn't fooled but it wasn't just okay to leave this-it was the furthest thing from 'okay' and would never get better, because Haru had been in love with someone else. Someone who wasn't Rin had touched Haru's body, had made Haru smile then _hurt _him, and the thought of it was just so messed up and _wrong_.

'It's over, so leave it alone.' Haru said, finally. 'There isn't anything you can do.'

Rin drew a long sigh, staring at the city in the windshield ahead.

'...if something happened to you, don't you think I have the right to know? Do you really just want to seal this off and leave it alone?'

'I've been bothered for so long that it's fine with me.'

The reply was resolute. Haru didn't talk because he didn't want compassion, but Rin felt aggravated-Haru was just the same. Unwilling to yield even an ounce of what he felt.

'All I want is to be able to protect you.'

'I don't need protection,' Haru said, looking up into Rin's eyes. 'I need you.'

Haru captured Rin's lips with his own a second time and Rin moaned, lips loosening as he gripped Haru's white shirt, kissing him hard. Haru pulled himself against Rin's hips, Rin deliberately slowing his breath, drinking in the situation; his body moved up gently against Haru's, Haru breathing softly as his neck was kissed. He was so sweet, and tasted so good... so good-Rin couldn't drag his lips away. Haru was hard against him, quiet as Rin nipped at his neck and lapped at it with his tongue.

'Haru, I need you, you're going to fucking kill me, I need you, Haru-'

Rin pressed Haru back against the seat and Haru made a soft sound, Rin confident that Haru was made for him, that he was made for _this_-things were happening to Rin that he couldn't explain. He was pressing his crotch into Haru's body, running his hands along Haru's back and thighs up to the top of his shoulders, squeezing whatever parts of him he could grasp tight through his tight uniform as he muttered into Haru's hair. The things he said... all things he'd wanted to say and do to Haru for these past six years now, all spilling out of him, all secrets and confessions; they'd been buried for too long and Haru was too gorgeous to keep them under any longer. Haru's hands moved to Rin's zip when Rin caught them, wrapping his lips around Haru's fingers.

'You do it. Touch yourself. I want to see how you get off... c'mon, baby. Do it for me.'

'Rin-'

'I love you, Haru, always loved you, never stop-'

'Love you, too...' Haru whispered and heat exploded inside of Rin like a storm. The kisses started again and Rin rubbed Haru's crotch from the outside, loving the way Haru flushed and squirmed against the backseat.

'Rin, I'm gonna get off...'

'Yeah?'

'...while I ride you...'

'Fuck-!'

Rin yelled and pulled Haru on top of his hips, crashing their mouths together and ripping open Haru's belt, shoving his hand down his pants. Haru pulled himself up and shuddered, closing his eyes when there was a vibration from Rin's pocket-

'Rin!' Haru said. Rin didn't answer, hands running over Haru... 'Rin, your phone...'

'Hey, don't worry about that...'

'It might be... important... ngh, cut it out... _Rin_!'

'It's Sousuke,' Rin grumbled, flipping up the phone.

'You should take it,' Haru replied, sitting himself up and straightening his collar out. Rin sighed and clambered out of the car, flustered and breathless as he answered:

'What the fuck do you want?!' he breathed down the receiver.

'Rin... is everything okay?'

'No, it's not okay. Why are you calling me?!'

'Sorry, I didn't realise you'd just had your first period. Rin, we've got a situation; forensics found the bombs in the lab explosion and traced them back to the supplier... they've brought him in, but I can't question him unless there are two officers present.'

'So?'

'So, use your brain for a second. The lab explosion means there isn't anyone here and I can't go home or lock up a suspect without the questioning statement. Rin, I need you to come to the station. Preferably as soon as you can.'

'No. You can wait. I'm incredibly busy.'

'Rin, don't be so fucki-'

The phone clicked off and Rin put it in his pocket, taking a long moment to gather his breath. He knew he'd sounded pissy, but he couldn't care: he climbed back into the car with Haru.

'We should go back to work.. both of us.'

'Uh, yeah...' Rin cursed internally, as the moment was now gone. 'I'll drop you off.'

They drove in quiet, Haru averting his eyes. Rin tugged on his uniform to straighten it.

'So, I was wondering if you wanted to... get dinner with me sometime after work...'

Rin's voice faded so much toward the end that he was surprised Haru even heard him:

'Yeah.'

'Yeah?' Rin grinned. 'Awesome! So, you gonna give me your addressee...?'

'You know where to find me,' Haru replied, and the car pulled to a stop outside of the restaurant where Haru worked.

'Take care of yourself, Haru.' Rin managed and his stomach twisted with ache, not wanting them to part after everything they'd discussed. He kissed Haru gently on the mouth, feeling Haru kiss him back before he smiled.

Haru actually _smiled._

Rin's heart wouldn't make it out of this car still beating.

'You, too... officer,' Haru replied, opening the door to get out. Rin drove away, realising he'd been holding up traffic because he'd stopped in the middle of the road.. he supposed he'd get back to the station and help Sousuke question the supposed 'bomb supplier...'

...if he didn't kill Sousuke for earlier first.


	6. Memory

It had started to rain when Rin went back to the station, feeling irritated. He knew that Sousuke couldn't have known he'd been with Haru and made that call deliberately to cockblock him, but still, Rin found the fact that he had and didn't even sound sorry about it disgraceful.

'It didn't take very long to find out who blew up the lab,' Rin said, following Sousuke to the inquisition room. The other officers were all patrolling or watching the roads around the lab, so the only staff that remained were admin. '...Isn't it a detectives job to question suspects?'

'When you meet him, you might realise why we got lumped with him,' replied Sousuke. Looking through the glass window, Rin saw a ginger boy with golden eyes in a yellow hoodie, legs kicked up on the table.

'Uhhh...' Rin trailed away. 'It's him.'

Samezuka academy had been six years ago, but Rin could still remember all of the members of his old swim team: the young man in front of him-Momotarou-had been one of them... Rin could hardly believe they were meeting again here.

'He's the one who blew up the lab?!' asked Rin.

'Not exactly,' replied Sousuke. 'Momotarou made the bombs-he's a supplier in heavy explosives.'

'How do you jump from swimming to explosives...?' Rin muttered, thinking that six years had drawn him further from his friends than he'd guessed. He went into the room with Sousuke as they legally needed two officers present for questioning and Sousuke set up the tape recorder.

'Afternoon, Rin,' Momotarou chirped. 'It's been a while, hasn't it? Yamazaki's being mean to me... he hasn't given me my entitled call-'

'You'll call me 'officer Matsuoka,' replied Rin, stiffly. 'And you're not getting your call until we question you. Look serious-some of the bombs you made were found in the lab explosion. Do you know what kind of accusation you're under?'

Momotarou laughed.

'Officer, I didn't plant those bombs so I'm hardly responsible-all I do is produce and sell them. If one person stabs another to death with a knife, would you say that's the knifemakers fault? You wouldn't-my principle is the same. I'm just a supplier... the second my lawyer gets here, I'll be out.'

Rin exchanged a tired look with Sousuke and Sousuke placed a small, burnt device on the table.

'This is one of the bombs from your warehouse,' said Sousuke. 'We traced it back to you from your company stamp, but there's also a product number on the side. Look closely... do you remember who brought this one?'

Momotarou examined the number then leaned back in his chair, looking smug.

'...Yeah,' he said, finally. 'I remember who bought that batch.'

'Can you tell us their name?'

'Sorry!' Momotarou sighed. 'But that's not information I can give away! Client confidentiality is fickle... I promise to everyone I sell not to disclose their identities-it's one of the guarantees they get with their payment.'

'Did you know your client would blow up the lab?'

'Nope... I was given a specification when I met them, then they gave me a place to deliver the bombs. They asked me to make a mushroom cloud so big that it turned the ground into a crater! Oh, and they gave me some measurements. But I didn't know they were going to bring the lab down-most people just want bombs to blow up dead end businesses and claim the insurance.'

'Teams of investigators have gone through his private records,' Sousuke told Rin. '...They haven't found any evidence. Personal clients come to him through the New York black market where he makes unprofessional deals there... not that the police can prove it. We can't actually arrest him for just producing bombs-he supplies military practices and he's got a licence for it.'

'So, the only way to find out who bombed the lab is to grill him, huh...?' Rin turned back to Momotarou-this would be a long evening for Rin because he knew that whilst giving false information was a crime, refusing to give any was not.

'Are you going to punish me, officer?'

'Stop that,' said Rin.

'Stop what?' Momotarou asked, looking up with large innocent eyes which Rin didn't buy for a second.

Being a bitch.

'You know what,' Rin snapped. 'Your inappropriate behaviour.'

'How about you let me make that call to my lawyer-'

'How about you take this seriously?' Rin asked, slapping away Momotarou's hand from where he'd tried to reach across the table and touch Rin's police ID card.

'Do you accept bribes?' asked Momotarou.

'I do not.'

'Under the table?'

'I don't accept them,' Rin repeated.

'How's Haru?' Momotarou asked. 'You were dating Haruka Nanase back in Samezuka, right? I heard it from Nitori... he said you've had a hard on for him since you were nine-'

'I'm interrogating you,' stated Rin, hotly. 'So I'll be the one asking questions. This is an inquisition, not a chat-'

'It was eleven,' said Sousuke, quietly. 'Rin didn't meet Nanase until he was eleven-'

'Can you stop it?!' Rin demanded, eyes flicking between Sousuke and Momotarou, not sure which one of them was pissing him off more. 'We're going to talk about your client,' he turned to Momotarou. 'What's their name?'

'I forgot.'

Rin slammed his hands down on the table.

'I'm done. Sousuke, you deal with him.'

Sousuke sat up slightly from where he was hunched in the plastic chair. Sousuke didn't lose his temper like Rin, talking in a fluid, strong voice:

'If you can't say your client's name, then will you give Rin a hint?'

'Why 'just Rin?' Momotarou asked.

'Because he's pretty,' replied Sousuke. Rin huffed slightly, but it worked:

'You know him.' Momotarou smiled. 'Rin... the one who bought the bombs... he was one of your friends-he's the one who blew up the lab and killed all those scientists.'

'I... can you tell me anything else?'

Momotarou paused.

'He's handsome,' he grinned. 'Really handsome.'

'That doesn't help me very much.'

'Well, that's all I've got,' Momotarou laughed. Rin and Sousuke left the room, when Sousuke asked:

'Do you trust him?'

'...I don't know.'

Rin didn't see any reason for Momotarou to lie about him having known the bomber. Yes, Momotarou was a handful to deal with and liked to cause trouble, but lying to the police was an offense...

Still... if Momotarou was right, then that meant one of Rin's friends was a terrorist. What reason was there to blow up the lab... what possible secret was worth killing everyone inside? Rin left Sousuke to finish up the tape whilst he took Momotarou to have his damn call before they finished the questioning papers. At 6, Rin got ready to collect Haru, examining himself in the locker room mirror.

'Does my uniform look straight?' he asked.

'Straighter than the rest of you,' Sousuke snorted. 'Why do you care about your appearance? You look fine. Attractive.'

'Yeah?' Rin looked down at himself, when he felt fingers brush his throat...

'Your collar is out.'

'Oh, uh... thanks.' Rin rubbed his neck in an embarrassed way. He hadn't noticed it in the windowless questioning room, but the storm outside had gotten worse-the wind was howling and thunder shook the building, occasional flashes of lightening illuminating the room.

'Be careful,' Sousuke sounded stern. 'Rin, if you're going out then don't walk around the city. We're getting the back end of a typhoon, so high winds and stray lightening are expected until tomorrow night-'

'We're just going out to dinner,' Rin laughed.

* * *

><p>Rin was optimistic as he drove to Haru's restaurant, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel to the radio. The pain from his and Haru's breakup six years ago had scarred over, so now it only hurt when they pressed the wounds; the trail to their future-together-was one they were already walking down, and after ruining their relationship once, Rin wasn't about to do it again. His stomach started to flip as he got out of the car, lightening making the ground go white... scarcely five seconds in the rain and Rin's uniform was drenched. The storm was getting harder.<p>

The restaurant was closed and Haru was sitting on a bench in the back in a short, blue coat, head tilted toward the ceiling.

'Hey,' Rin smiled. 'Ready to go?'

'What do you want?' Haru asked, turning to look at Rin. His eyes were cold, and made Rin feel as if he'd walked into something solid-Rin blinked, not expecting that tone after the way Haru had smiled a few hours ago.

'U-uh, well... I thought I'd treat you to dinner-'

The rain came down harder. Haru's forehead creased.

'Ow...'

'H-hey, take it easy...'

Haru frowned.

'Why are you here?'

'H-Haru, I just told you, we're going on a date! This afternoon, I took you out in my car then asked you to dinner... you've got the marks on your neck where I kissed you-'

'I don't know you,' said Haru. 'And I don't remember any of what you said. We've never met... go away.'

'Real funny, Haru,' Rin muttered.

'I said go away!' Haru repeated-harder now. 'I don't care if you're an officer-leave me alone!'

Panic flooded Rin when he realised Haru was serious, about to come closer when Makoto rushed into the room.

'Rin?!' he cried out. 'Why are you here?'

'I... that isn't important! M-Makoto, I-I think Haru's lost his memory... he needs to go to a hospital-!'

'No,' there was sharpness in Makoto's voice. 'I knew this would happen... Haru needs to come home.'

'He needs a medical expert-'

'Rin, you don't know anything about this-if you care about Haru's safety, then you won't interfere! Haru...' Makoto's voice was pleading as he looked up at Haru. 'Do you remember me?'

Haru seemed vacant; he looked at Makoto, then at Rin... there was another crash of lightening and he whimpered.

'O-ow...'

'I-it's okay...' Makoto whispered. 'Haru, I'll take you home. We'll go right away... okay?'

Rin insisted on following Makoto's car, going into the apartment with them even though he knew Makoto didn't want him-he was too terrified for Haru to care. Haru was given some painkillers and water then Makoto took Haru into a bedroom.

Rin was waiting for Makoto on the sofa when he came out.

'Why did Haru forget about me?' Rin whispered. 'Is he brain damaged?'

'Of course he's not brain damaged!' Makoto sounded horrified. 'Rin... what's wrong with you?!'

'I saw the bruises on Haru's temple, and he told me about that fire-it's not an irrational conclusion! Am I supposed to just forget after he says something like that? He tells me he was almost burned to death without explaining why, then you both want me to leave it alone... a-and now Haru's forgotten about me-'

Rin broke off to stop his voice from rising; Haru was trying to sleep in the next room.

'Do you want to know what happened?' Makoto asked Rin, although it was more like a demand. '...If I tell you, will you leave it alone?!'

Makoto's tone of voice was cutting, but there was an unmistakeable edge of sadness to it; Rin nodded slowly, and Makoto sunk onto the sofa.

'...do you remember Kisumi from when we were kids?'

'Kisumi?'

Rin could recall a boy with whispy hair coloured like cotton candy, and lilac eyes...

'Yeah...'

'This all started with him.' Makoto's voice dropped. '...After he slept with Haru.'

Several different emotions rose inside of Rin, but he managed to supress them. All of them. His breathing rose steadily as he gripped his lap with fists so hard that his thighs hurt but he stayed calm, even though his heart felt as if it were going to burst out of his chest and explode, and anger swamped him, roaring like a typhoon-

'After you left Haru, he didn't want to swim anymore,' Makoto continued. '...so he applied for a job in a restaurant being trained as a chef. Kisumi worked at the counter, and... well... Haru didn't want it. Haru never wanted it... b-but, it just seemed so innocent at the time...'

'What did?' Rin's throat was parched.

'He wouldn't leave Haru alone,' Makoto croaked. 'I think he was in love with Haru because... i-it's easy to fall in love with Haru... a-and he was really persistent-he just wanted to make Haru happy. He'd put flowers on top of Haru's workbag every day... he'd ask for cookery classes after work, walk Haru home... a-and then after about half a year, Haru went back with him. I-I don't know why he agreed to it... I think Haru was just lonely and wanted the company... or maybe he really wanted to give the relationship a try... but Haru didn't feel anything, and made it clear he didn't want anything else after that, and that what happened with Kisumi was a mistake... but they argued.'

'Was Haru hurt?'

'I don't think Kisumi meant to do it,' Makoto said, hurriedly wiping his eyes. 'He got upset when Haru said he didn't want a relationship... he stormed out of the restaurant and Haru went after him. They went back to his house, th-then... Kisumi pushed Haru-'

'...that's how Haru bruised his temple, isn't it?'

'H-Haru hit his head on the corner of the glass coffee table...' Makoto's voice was a whisper. 'R-Rin, he was unconscious. Kisumi must have thought he'd accidently killed Haru and panicked, because he covered the building in gasoline and struck a match to make it look like a fire... I-I was already on my way to Kisumu's house after I heard that Haru had gone back with him in the middle of work... I saw the building explode from the street, a-and when I got there, H-H-Haru was-'

Makoto took a shuddering breath-his tears overflowing-then continued:

'Haru was unconscious in the living room, and there was blood... so much blood all over the carpet, flames all around him... I didn't know if H-Haru was alive; I just picked him up in my arms. Kisumi had struck the match from outside but the garage collapsed on him. I could hear him calling for help as I took Haru out, but I didn't go back for him, Rin. I saw the bruises and blood on Haru's forehead, so I left him to burn.' There was a vacant look in Makoto's eyes, like dying green fires. '...And I'd do it again.'

Rin didn't have any words. He'd wanted the truth, but he'd never imagined Haru had been through so much. Tears rolled down Makoto's cheeks.

'I know what it's like to be in love with Haru so I understand the way you feel, but you can't spend the rest of your life with him, Rin,' he said. 'You can't... it's too late...'

There was more to the story and Rin knew it, but he felt too cold to ask. Rin wanted to know why Haru had lost all of his memories when the thunder storm begun, wanted to know who had poisoned Haru if Kisumi was dead, and he wanted to know what Makoto meant when he said it was: 'too late...' he also wanted to ask Makoto if he knew anything about the lab explosion, bearing in mind what Momotarou had said. But Rin couldn't: he couldn't find his voice. Rin was crying, too, he realised, because it was all his fault this had happened.

Rin was the one who'd left Haru to follow his own path, thinking that fate had been sore to him because he'd been shot in the leg, too wrapped up in his own vain, little world of dreams to consider what could have been happening to Haru. And the worst part was that if Makoto hadn't told Rin then he never would have known, because Haru didn't let what he thought or felt show.

Haru was standing in the doorway; both Rin and Makoto jumped.

'H-Haru!' Makoto did his best to look composed. 'W-what are you-um... Rin was just on his way out-'

Rin made his way to the door when Haru came closer, put his head against Rin's shoulder and breathed in.

He smelled Rin.

Then he put something in Rin's arms.

'It's yours.'

It was the old T-shirt Rin had let Haru wear the other night after Haru had come back from the hospital, coughing up blood-

'...It has your smell,' Haru explained, to the confused look on Rin's face. Rin laughed and laughed. And then he cried.

'Haru...'

Rin hugged Haru and although Haru didn't hug back, he didn't protest. Haru was stoic as Rin pulled away... Rin knew the other man still couldn't remember anything about him. He brushed Haru's cheek with his fingers, the touch making Haru frown.

'Haru, when you've remembered some more, I'll come and get you then we'll go for dinner, okay? I'll pay for everything, so don't worry... there's a great seafood place Sousuke told me about, and they do all kinds of food with mackerel-'

'Mackerel?' Haru asked, and the lack of recognition in his voice shattered Rin. He kissed Haru's forehead and went home, thunder roaring all the way as the sky continued to cry.

* * *

><p>The rest of the evening, Rin felt miserable: he spent it slumped on the sofa pondering the worth of his life and getting sucked into whatever TV show Sousuke had on in the background as he did push ups, Rin relaying everything Makoto had told him to his best friend.<p>

'I always thought Kisumi was fucked up,' Rin finished.

'You didn't,' Sousuke replied. 'You used to like him.'

'W-well, you can't tell with wierdos...'

'What made Tachibana come running?' Sousuke asked.

'I don't know,' muttered Rin. 'He probably saw the freak weather and wanted to walk Haru home from work... he suffocates Haru! And he always has his hands on him, too...'

The low budget cop movie on television was making crackling sounds; Rin surfed the channels to find that they all had static on them, tossing the remote.

'...our TV is outdated.'

'The storm is messing with it,' answered Sousuke.

'Can it do that?'

'Think about it. The television picks up channels through the antennae, which are sent in electromagnetic radio waves that are packed with information-the waves go from a source to a receiver. If lightning strikes close to the source then it stops the waves from being picked up properly by the receiver so that only parts can get through, which is why you get a shaky picture and crackly sound-not all the information is received.'

'Huh... is that the same reason why you can't use cells on airplanes?'

'Hm-they interfere with the waves and stop the data from getting through, like the lightening now. The signals are only partially received so critical bits are missing.'

That sounded familiar, somehow...

'Come to think of it,' Sousuke pushed himself up, frowning. 'I did some research... the lab that blew up owns several satellite dishes on the edge of town.'

'How is that connected to electronic waves?'

'Because satellites pick up and transmit waves,' replied Sousuke. 'RRAT stars send out radiowaves, so waves can be received and broadcast from Earth to all over the universe-it's not just electronics that transmit signals. Everything alive does... including humans...'

'...I don't understand. I thought the lab researched cells, so why have they invested in radio signals...?'

'Maybe they were studying both,' Sousuke tiled his head. 'Or they were trying to transmit something. Cells, radio waves and dead bodies... do you think there's a connection, Rin?'

Honestly, Rin didn't know.

He just wanted Haru to be alright.

* * *

><p>The storm stopped at 7pm the next day, which was a Saturday; Haru wouldn't be working, but Rin wanted to see him again. He'd forgotten the way to Makoto's apartment but Rin had a hunch where Haru might be:<p>

'I'm sorry, Sir,' the receptionist at the sports centre said. 'But the pool is only open from 6pm-12 for members-'

'I'm an officer,' said Rin, flashing his badge.

'..I don't see how that's relevant...'

'Then let me in because my boyfriend is in there,' Rin tried, putting down some cash. '...Please.'

The indoor pool was a huge, glistening stretch of aqua, and Rin could see one person by the edge. Haru liked to be alone in the water, which was why Rin guessed he swum at night...

...but for Haru to be here meant that his memory had returned, which confused Rin-did it phase in and out? Either way, it felt weird for him to be back in jammers, as Rin had stopped swimming when he'd realised chlorine stung the bullet stitches on his leg, but he could make an exception for Haru. Haru did one lap before he noticed someone watching him.

'Rin!'

Haru was surprised to see Rin, looking up from the water. Rin grinned.

'Hey, gorgeous.'

Haru gave a smile, and Rin climbed into the water to hug him.

'Good to have you back, Haru.' he whispered.

'Yeah.'

The lifeguard was talking to a janitor, not paying attention; Haru broke free from Rin and half turned away, shadows dancing over his face.

'I haven't swum in forever... Haru, look at this-you're all alone in the pool! You're the only person who would stay here this late!'

Haru moved back in the water, creating a distance between him and Rin, and there was a challenging look in his eyes, passion melting the layer of ice on his front. Rin knew from Haru's stance that he was asking Rin for a race, but Rin's thigh felt heavy from the water that surrounded him, making him too self-concious to swim... especially with Haru of all people.

'Fast' didn't come close to describing how Haru moved through the water-it was such a waste, Rin thought, that Haru hadn't wanted to do anything with his talent. He could have been rich by now, surrounded by gold medals, interviewed with pictures of his face on magazines and subway carriages, sponsoring energy drinks... Rin really thought Haru could have gone that far.

'I know what matters to me,' Haru replied, when Rin explained this to him after he came back from one lap. 'And it's not any of the things you just said.'

Rin pouted as Haru took off in the water, swimming a second lane then stopping.

'What about you?' he asked.

'Hmn?'

'Why aren't you a professional swimmer?' Haru reiterated. Rin didn't want to explain the reason why his dreams had fallen short. '...You were too slow?'

'L-like hell... Haru, don't just jump to your own conclusions! I was just as good as you in the water... even better.'

'You weren't better,' said Haru, unblinking. 'Or you would have won more races.'

'You piss me off so much... just get out of the pool.'

The showers were four to one singular cubicle, and showering with Haru made Rin feel restless. For Haru to have teased him in the pool meant that he must have gotten better, so it was okay to look at him like this, wasn't it...?

The polite thing to do would be to turn around and look away, but swimming with Haru always used to make Rin feel so passionate and hard, and seeing Haru in his jammers brought all of that back. Rin's eyes raked over Haru as he pretended to wash.

Haru had narrow, slender hips, remarkably soft for a man's due to the smoothness of his muscles and the way they curved around his bones-he had a swimmer's body. He bent over to wash his legs and as he did, Rin could see the thin, tight material of his jammers clinging to his thighs, the round curves of the back of his legs... Rin had to close his eyes and breathe for a moment, reminding himself to take it easy.

They were in a public shower.

But fuck if that would stop Rin now if Haru said yes.

'Haru, make sure to wash yourself.' a pause. 'Want some help?'

'I don't.'

'You sure you're okay?'

'I'm fine.'

A single drip of water slid its way down Haru's back... Rin watched it's journey, wetting his lips.

'Don't look at me like I'm something to eat.'

'You're looking at me, too.'

'I'm not.'

'Haru, think about it: wouldn't you have to be looking at me to know that I'm looking at you?'

Quiet. Then-

'Shut up.'

'Is that the best you have?' Rin laughed. 'Haru, we've had sex together, so you don't need to worry about me watching you wash... unless it makes you nervous for some reason?'

'It doesn't,' was Haru's response, turning around and giving Rin a hard look over his shoulder. 'I just can't concentrate with you looking.'

'Yeah, because rubbing soap over your body requires buckets of concentration, doesn't it..?'

'You're annoying...'

Rin sucked in his bottom lip, teasing the small smile that pulled at it. Haru's shoulders were tense in a way that told Rin he was trying not to look over them in case he was caught... Rin felt his cock start to get hard against the material of his jammers, sucking in a breath.

'Ahh, Haru, my shower is cold... let me share yours.'

'Don't lie.'

'You're being so icy! Fine, then let me use yours because I want to...'

The slap of footsteps on the tiles as Rin came closer was deafening. He pressed his thumb lightly against Haru's jaw as hot water poured over them both, Rin unable to miss the slight flush on Haru's cheeks as his head went back slightly, dark hair dripping with beads of water.

'Haru, you don't have to be shy... your whole body is cute.'

'I'm not shy... hot.'

'Hot... really?' Rin's fingers skimmed over Haru's hips. 'Things are heating up in here, aren't they?' he laughed.

'The shower's too warm.'

'I don't think it's the shower...'

Rin kissed Haru on the lips as he raked his fingers through Haru's hair, inhaling Haru, Haru's lips drugging him. He settled behind Haru, pulling down his jammers and positioning his arousal against the curve of Haru's ass, arms around Haru's waist, rocking into him slowly. Haru looked away as one of Rin's hands snuck into his jammers, untucking the other man's cock and rubbing it between his fingers.

'I knew it...' whispered Rin. 'You're hard, too.'

'Don't touch me there...'

'Are you sure? Because your body seems to like it a lot... look...'

One of Rin's hands worked Haru whilst the other rested flat on his hip, Rin rutting lightly against Haru's back, rubbing between his soft ass. The shower steam, heat and Haru all drove him crazy... he kissed and nipped at Haru's neck, applying new bites to the ones from the other day in the car that had started to fade, lapping at the shell of Haru's ear with his tongue, feeling Haru's spine press back against him.

'D'you like that, Haruka? Me getting you off?'

His breath ghosted over Haru's lobe as he spoke. Haru moaned.

'Hey, try and be quiet, okay? We don't want to attract too much attention...'

'N-no... R-Rin...'

Rin's free hand moved along Haru's legs, running over Haru's calf and hips. The playful groping and grabbing of Haru's crotch became focused as Haru's breathing got heavy, hot water spilling over them both-

'Haru, c'mon... you're moaning too much... we're gonna get found because of you. Sssh...'

Rin put his fingers into Haru's mouth.

'Ah, Haru, you're so...'

'So?'

'...sexy,' Rin finished, throat feeling thick-his own moans coming out as sharp gasps.

'You're the same,' Haru replied in a voice so soft it made Rin ache, and Rin broke the rhythm of slow strokes to jerk Haru harder, his own arousal prickling at the friction as it rubbed against Haru's body, over the hole but not with enough force to go inside. There was a dizzying feeling and Haru started to gasp, Rin feeling Haru's cum shoot thick and wet across his hand, his own running down the back of Haru's legs as he continued to rut, milking away the last drops and letting them slide away with the shower. There was the pitter patter of water then as the two of them caught their breath, Rin panting into Haru's shoulderblade, watching water ripple down the slender muscles of Haru's back.

'Rin...' Haru was the one to speak first. 'You have to... buy me mackerel...'

'You remember that part, too, huh?' Rin laughed, burying his nose in the dark strands of Haru's hair, closing his eyes in exhaustion. There was so much weariness escaping Rin, sleeplessness he didn't even know he'd had... he could feel it all slipping away as he expelled a breath, Haru flicking his fringe to shake the drops of water after turning the shower off, when Rin asked:

'So, how hungry do you feel...?'


	7. Interstellar

A week passed where things stayed in stasis: no new developments were made on the lab case, and Rin's relationship with Haru stayed simple and happy. Haru didn't lose his memory again, and even the weather had gotten brighter-Rin went to see Haru each lunchtime at the restaurant, talking over the clink of bowls.

'...Sousuke's still trying to find out what the lab were doing,' Rin complained, sighing to Haru-it was good to have someone else to talk to other than Sousuke, because that meant he could complain about Sousuke-even though he usually never meant it. 'Haru, he's just cultivated our living room... you should see all the crap he's put up everywhere! He thinks the lab was projecting something with the satellite dishes they bought-'

'Why does it matter?' asked Haru. 'The lab exploded-that isn't going to change.'

'Maybe not,' Rin shrugged. 'But the truth is important, because... it just is.'

Haru didn't look very convinced or inspired by Rin's words. Nagisa rushed up to them:

'Haruuu-chan!' he draped an arm around Haru's shoulder. 'I got what you wanted... they're so pretty!'

'What... Haru wanted?'

'The pictures!' exclaimed Nagisa, sitting down at their table. 'Can I tell Rin-chan?' he asked Haru, then without waiting for Haru to acknowledge the question, continued: 'Haru-chan wanted me to get some images from the NASA labs! There's an infrared telescope called the spitzer which gets really clear pictures of stars... look!'

Photographs poured out onto the table; Rin's breath caught in his throat:

'Oh... fuck.'

Really, what else could he say? The pictures were incredible. There were hot, white luminous stars shrouded by a cloud of maybe a hundred billion shades of blue, all painstakingly clear.

'Haru...' Rin gripped Haru's sleeve and tugged. 'Check it out... these look just like your eyes-'

'You think so, too?!' Nagisa laughed. 'That's what Rei and Makoto said!'

_...when did they say that?!_

'They're just stars,' Haru replied, slipping the pictures in the envelope.

'Not_ just_ stars, Haru-chan,' Nagisa sounded stern. 'I've told you a thousand times-those are the Pleiades! They're the brightest cluster of stars visible to the human eye-oh... I got the sheets of data for you, too... it might help for... you know-'

'Why does Haru want_ that_?!' Rin demanded, looking at the sheets of binary coding Nagisa passed to Haru-feeling as if he were missing something.

'Hey, Rin-chan,' Nagisa's voice constricted. 'Do you know... what's so special about stars? It's the fact that every time one dies, it goes out with bright light and an explosion, then a new one is born from the cloud of novae-'

'Uhh... this is getting too weird for me. I gotta go.' Rin laughed, finishing the rest of his latte and giving Haru a long kiss on the lips.

'Be careful,' Haru said.

'Don't worry, sexy,' Rin grinned, lifting the hem of his police cap. 'I'm bulletproof.'

Rin swore he saw Haru _almost _smile as he turned to leave.

* * *

><p>'Gotcha some coffee.'<p>

Rin was upbeat as he dropped into a chair of the NYPD computer suite next to Sousuke-Haru just had that effect on him.

'Is that from Nanase's restaurant?'

'It's not his restaurant,' Rin replied, as-a-matter-of-factly. 'It's a restaurant where he happens to work.'

'Thanks,' Sousuke gave a small smile and sipped the coffee. Rin dragged his chair closer.

'What did you want to show me?'

'Ahh, yeah... the case you mentioned the other night. The stuff with Kisumi.'

'Kisumi?' Rin froze. 'Sousuke... Makoto told me all about it. Kisumi _died_ trying to kill Haru-what else do you need to know?'

Sousuke breathed in sharp through his nose and put a hand over his mouth, drawing himself up closer to the computer screen.

'Rin... something isn't right with Nanase's file on the police database. You experienced it yourself when you went looking for him before you met again... you tapped Nanase's name in to find that-'

'...his file was blank,' Rin finished. 'So?'

'The problem is that if he was involved in a case, then why is nothing documented for him?! No fingerprints, no addressee... the police would take at least that much from a witness, let alone someone directly involved.'

'Then the system is glitched.'

'Or?'

'Or... Makoto lied to me,' said Rin, numbly. 'About what happened with Haru and Kisumi.'

'...There it is. Rin, Nanase was on the system at _some point_ because you found a 'blank file' instead of: 'no file-' his records existed, but someone wiped them. The only people who have wiped files are dead.'

'Someone tried to... erase Haru?'

'It gets stranger,' Sousuke continued. 'On the police report of the fire where Kisumi Shigino lost his life, it says there were two casualties... and it's not only our database where Nanase doesn't show up, Rin. He hasn't got a registered addressee, he was hired without employment papers and his pay goes directly into Tachinbana's bank account-there's no data for him anywhere.'

'W-what does that mean?'

'It means,' Sousuke reclined in his chair, the police reports making a flat sound as he tossed them at Rin. 'That your cute, innocent boyfriend faked his own death with Tachibana's help. Why would he do that, Rin? For what reason would Nanase have to pretend that he died if Kisumi was the one to try and kill him?!'

'You think... it's the other way around?' Rin breathed in deep, as if coming up from cold water. 'You think Haru started that fire to kill _Kisumi?!_'

'I just find it incredibly convenient that Tachibana is a firefighter and was on the scene to come and get him right away.'

'H... he came after Haru because he was worried after Haru left early from work-they didn't plan it together, Sousuke-!'

'Why are you defending him, Rin?' Sousuke demanded. 'Isn't it the most logical conclusion? After what Momotarou said, about you knowing the bomber of the lab...'

'Oh, you believe him?' Rin snarled, standing up.

'I don't,' Sousuke replied, firmly drawing himself up as well. '...Rin, I just want you to know that regardless of your relationship to him, if Nanase killed_ anyone_-and that includes Kisumi or the scientists in the lab-then we will be making an arrest.'

'You don't know Haru,' Rin snapped, stinging in his eyes. 'You don't know a _thing_ about him, Sousuke! He would never do anything like that...'

Rin stormed out of the suite.

* * *

><p>Sousuke went to the gym after work, so Rin was left in their apartment alone. At least, he was alone until the doorbell rang:<p>

'Hey,' he said, managing a smile-his mood lightening despite his exhaustion. Haru was standing in the doorway wearing a yellow jumper, holding a brown bag in one hand.

'Leftovers,' he said. 'From the restaurant... there was too much.'

The leftovers sounded like an excuse to come and see him, but Rin didn't mind; he let Haru in and made some tea before taking him through to his bedroom, closing the door behind him. They sat together on the bed and Rin moved in for a kiss, but then something inside of him shut down and he put his head on Haru's shoulder instead, closing his eyes.

Haru smelled good to Rin-he always smelled good. Skin slightly of cloyed with soap, clean and soft with a tinge of chlorine which made Rin guess he'd been swimming for an hour after work-Rin inhaled him. There was a plethora of misinformation in his head and so many things he wanted to know, but when he was with Haru, it all went away or didn't matter; Haru was Rin's peace of mind. His gentle gaze was unmatched by anything else the universe had to offer, seemed to hold the weight of an entire sea, yet simultaneously light like the sky-the two dots in his irises were like stars shimmering atop the surface of calm waves... Rin had to wonder what Haru saw when he looked back at him-Haru's expression was always so... neutral.

'Haru, I have to ask... the two of us, we're... dating... right?'

Haru looked away.

'I love you.'

The words were quiet-so quiet, that Rin almost missed them.

'You look like you're in pain,' Rin said softly.

'...it's a headache.'

'Do you want some tablets?'

'It won't stop,' replied Haru. 'It's... static. It never stops.'

Rin took Haru's hand, rubbing his thumb over the fingers; he didn't know what to say.

'Haru, I just... so many fucked up things are happening around me right now that I'm close to tipping point. All I want is a normal relationship with you but the more that time goes by, the more I think it's an oxymoron-it shouldn't be something impossible to ask for... right?'

Their fingers gently uncurled and then Rin was kissing Haru hard, kissing him so Haru was all that he knew, his arms around Haru's neck as their mouths devoured each others, Rin moaning into the seam of their lips as Haru's fingers messed up his hair. He wanted this so much that it hurt, so much that he could taste Haru on his tongue, Rin pressing Haru back against his bed before he was aware of his own actions, kissing him hard and robbing him of his breath. Rin brushed Haru's temple with the pad of his thumb and Haru turned away slightly but allowed the touch to continue, letting Rin examine the wounds. The bruises underneath Haru's bangs were like ink blotches on his skin, all swirled and discoloured, blue, black and crimson... Rin's free fist clenched of its own violation in the bedding.

'I'll protect you, Haru,' Rin whispered the words, trembling. 'Nobody else will touch you after this, nobody else will hurt you... I swear it...'

Rin swiped Haru's ear with his tongue, gently running a palm along Haru's thigh, rubbing it slowly to make Haru feel it as much as possible through the fabric of his pants. Haru's body was responding gradually, getting hotter and growing limp... Rin allowed his hands to drop down and skim the plains of Haru's back as they lifted away his jumper, over the fine layer of skin that covered his collarbones, down to his waistband. Rin's body started to burn with heat, every fibre in his body ablaze and his hands went to his buttons to undo them before Haru stopped him.

'Keep the uniform on,' he said, and Rin grinned.

'Yeah? You wanna make this interesting..? Ah... not that our first time _wasn't _interesting-'

'Shut up,' said Haru, pulling Rin onto his lap by his belt. '...Officer.'

'Haha,' Rin picked up his police cap from the side of the bed and straightened it, the gold crest shining in the light. 'Haru... if you wanna play officers then you can't pull me around... you've gotta get into character. I'm the sergeant, here.'

'...So, isn't it your job to punish me?'

_Shit,_ Rin needed to put a ring on this one before he got away. He breathed in through his nose.

'And give you what you want?' He licked Haru's lobe. 'Why should I take pity on a criminal like you..? Lie back against the bed. _Now_.'

Haru sat back against the bedframe, flushed and Rin took a pair of silver handcuffs from his belt, handcuffing both of Haru's wrists to one of the headboard rungs before pulling away Haru's socks, pants and underwear, kissing his innermost thighs. The muscles on Haru's body were like minature hills and Rin's hand trailed over them, gliding along them in a caress. His index finger slid down Haru's stomach, Haru's body twitching underneath it as Rin's finger traced the skin, familiarising Haru with his touch. He stopped just above Haru's cock, brushing the skin faintly and Haru whimpered.

'I can taste you, Haru.' Rin whispered, collecting a drop of Haru's precum on his finger and bringing it to his lips, pink tongue darting out to lick it away.

'Please...' Haru said. 'Rin...'

'You give in so easy...' Rin laughed, a rasp straining the sound. 'But I can't give it to you, Haru-you can't cum until you earn it.'

No, they weren't done yet... not by a long shot.

Rin's navy shirt covered his toned torso and it was tucked in at the hips, which he rolled from side to side, unclipping his nightstick from his belt and twirling it between his fingers, putting the end in his mouth and sucking on it, letting the end leave his mouth with a little 'pop' as his eyes flicked up to Haru. Haru's breathing got heavier.

By a lot.

'See something you like, Haru?'

'No...'

'I didn't catch that.'

'I said no.'

'You don't speak to an officer of the law that way,' Rin said, rubbing his nightstick up and down against Haru's crotch. 'Try again.'

'No, officer.'

'And my last name.'

'...officer Matsuoka.'

'Now put it all in a sentence.'

Haru gripped the sheets in a way that said he was close to desperate but Rin raised a brow, tapping his baton against Haru's leg.

'No, officer Matsuoka,' Haru said, in a flat voice that carried a hint of a tremor.

'Better... you need to show more respect. You can start by getting me off.'

Rin straddled Haru and pulled his zipper to his pants down, crotch straining as he pressed his dick against Haru's mouth, just siding it past the dark-haired man's lips. Haru licked the tip of Rin's arousal before taking it, his throat making small vibrations that tingled Rin's foreskin as he sucked... Haru's mouth felt warm and wet and Rin groaned, giving a single, sharp thrust to see how deep Haru could take it, Haru choking slightly around him. Rin pulled out and stroked Haru's hair.

'Good boy...'

Haru gave a scathing look that said he didn't like being patronised or didn't appreciate Rin's sudden move, although the blush on his cheeks seemed to contradict that expression. Rin laughed.

'What? Were you expecting something else?'

There was so much fondness in Rin's voice. Haru moaned.

'Hey, I can't understand that. I'm talking to you-answer me.'

'Cum, Rin...'

'Huh?'

'Make me cum...'

'Is that how you ask?'

'Fuck me... officer...'

Haru parted his legs, panting, and the burning pain at the base of Rin's arousal came close to _unbearable-_he gritted his teeth, fumbling to find some lube from under his bed and throwing away the cap, lubing Haru up until he could sink his fingers in all the way to scissor them and Haru's face didn't show any pain. Rin took of his police cap and loosened his hair from it's ponytail, shaking it to allow the red strands to fall around his ears.

'You okay?' Rin asked-his godamn throat was like _sandpaper._

'Yes.'

'Yeah?'

'Yes...' Haru seemed hot and bothered. 'Why are you asking this now?'

'I'll be gentle... promise.'

'Don't.'

The way Haru made heat rise inside of Rin unpredictably was going to kill him some day, but Rin didn't care because he knew it would be one hell of a way to go-he'd take death by Haru anyday. He ripped open the condom packet with his teeth and stroked himself a couple times before putting it on, covering the condom with lube then entering Haru, feeling the other man shiver.

'Rin-'

'Shhh... tell me if you like it or not. I'm gonna go really deep... like that?'

Haru nodded restlessly, handcuffs clinking as he pressed his nose into his arm-both his arms chained above his head.

'You're so good, Haru...' Rin whispered. 'So good, and I'm all yours... just say, and you can have as much or as little of me as you want-'

Rin's hips rocked into Haru gently to begin with until he picked up a pace, scrambling for some sense of endurance to stop himself from slamming hard and fast into Haru's body , his own muscles throbbing and aching all over, nerves wild with need. He kissed Haru, although not as urgently as earlier-providing the position Rin was in, the heat swamping his skin and the fire running through his veins, the press that he applied to Haru's lips between gasps was exceedingly gentle and tender. His hips jutted forward to push Haru into ecstasy, feeling the other man cum over Rin, panting, gripping Rin's thighs in an iron vice as Rin continued to piston his hips, Haru crying out beneath him.

There wasn't a single barrier between them-just the two of them, now, and it was dizzying. The thump of blood in Rin's ear sounded like the crashing of waves and he was unable to speak multiple syllables or even any _words _point blank, feeling too hot to stop because Haru was too good, it was getting too much... he couldn't hold it in.

His hair was soaked with sweat and his heart had started skipping whole beats just to keep up with the thrusts as his hips kept pumping. As Rin got closer, Haru's moans became muffled and he made low, sweet sounds, the only thoughts going through Rin's head over the increasing thrum of pleasure in his brain being how could anyone ever hurt Haru, how could Sousuke ever think that he was capable of killing another person when he was like this?! Haru's touches were tender yet seemed to dissolve Rin's skin, melting Rin because Haru had been so forgiving-he'd accepted Rin back after the way Rin had broken up with him as if he were nothing six years ago and that he didn't deserve this, that Rin wasn't worthy of Haru-

Rin came inside of Haru-filling up the condom-his breaths short and harsh as he rolled away, lungs desperately drawing in air. Rin's body felt heavy and he sunk into the bedsheets as if they were quicksand, his uniform sticking to him... he unlocked Haru's handcuffs to find small, red marks on Haru's wrists where Haru had strained them, Rin kissing the lines away. The post-orgasm bliss on Haru's face was attractive... but it didn't last long.

'You okay?' Rin asked, when Haru touched his forehead.

'Migraine,' Haru mumbled, standing up and getting _dressed._

...disappointing.

'There's some pills in the kitchen that might help,' said Rin, having hoped Haru would stay the night, but it seemed clear that Haru _wanted _to go; he had an expression as if odd cracks of electricity were running through him and Rin knew that-brain damaged or not-something weird was happening with Haru.

Was it psychological trauma?

Rin just didn't know.

'Move in with me and Sousuke.'

The words blurted out of Rin's mouth before he could stop them. He flushed.

'I-I mean... we'd take care of you, Haru. Sousuke is a trained first aider, a-and I... well, you know the way I feel-'

'...I can't.'

'Is it because of Sousuke?! Haru... he looks scary, but that's just the exterior... he's a considerate person. After everything that happened when we were teenagers, you can't blame him for being distant. If you'd just get to know him-'

'It isn't because of that.'

'Is it Makoto?!' Rin demanded, then a thought occurred: '...you love him more.'

'No, Rin...'

'Then _what_!?' Rin snapped, not realised he'd shouted. 'S-sorry. I just... the fact that you're always together-'

'This has nothing to do with any of that,' said Haru. '...Rin. If Yamazaki finds out about the lab, they'll shut down the satellites.'

'So?'

'They won't be able to collect readings from the stars in the Pleiades... and this will be the last time.'

'The last time for _what_? What does that even mean?!'

Haru didn't answer; he looked away.

'Right,' Rin laughed. 'You don't want to say... Haru, I don't understand! How can I be in a relationship with you if you never say anything about what's going on in your head?!'

Frustratedly, Rin left Haru out. The paper bag Haru had brought him contained several freshly-cooked foods from the shop section of the restaurant with different pastries and meats... usually, Rin would be all over that kind of food, but his stomach felt like a mess-he wasn't hungry.

He changed the bedsheets then got into them, mumbling 'g'nite' to Sousuke when he told Rin he was back from outside the bedroom door, Rin imagining Haru curled up next to him. He imagined the rises and falls of Haru's chest, the soft sound of his breathing and the way he quietly watched Rin's face... Rin fell asleep to those thoughts, waking up again at 2am to the sound of torrential rain.

The drumming of raindrops falling on New York was rhythmic, like a marching band... it sounded as if the world were ending.

Rin crawled between the sheets, closed his eyes and went back to dreaming of Haru.


	8. Machinery

'_Rin... what if you find Nanase and it's not what you expect?!'_

* * *

><p>It was five am when Rin woke up the next morning, stretching his limbs. There was a sound resembling a faint hiss of air when he concentrated... it was coming from outside. He peered out of his curtains to see a short figure in a light blue hoodie hunched over with a metal can, unmistakeably spray painting his and Sousuke's apartment door. Frustratedly, Rin pulled on a t-shirt and jeans, slipping downstairs and opening the door.<p>

'What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?!'

'Get off me, you bastard-'

The kid tried to run but Rin was faster and reached out to grab him by the scruff of his neck, dragging him back.

'PEDO!' The kid screamed. 'HELP! PEDO-'

'Would you shut the fuck up?' Rin snarled, the shouts being the last thing he needed and the hood fell away to reveal the kid's face.

The boy was between fourteen and sixteen, his lilac eyes cutting through Rin as he scowled, baby pink hair ruffled and sticking up in all directions. It was Hayato... Kisumi's younger brother. Rin had met him back around the time of Samezuka when he'd bumped into Kisumi in the street, remembering the way Hayato used to clutch onto his big brothers hand, nervous-even for his age-until Kisumi would tell him: 'hey, it's okay,' and usher him forward gently-he'd seemed like such a shy, innocent kid.

That wasn't the same kid Rin was looking at, now.

'Is that_ slut_ with you?!' Hayato breathed, tears burning up in his eyes. 'Is he in there-'

'I know you're not talking about Haru,' Rin mumbled. 'I know you're not talking about Haru because if you are-'

'Why do you care about him?!' Hayato's voice stuttered as he shouted, the words falling out in a jumble of hysteria and tears. 'Why does the world spin around Haruka _fucking _Nanase-he killed my brother, but noone feels sorry for him! Kisumi would have done anything for Haru, when Haru couldn't give a shit about him or the way he felt-!'

'Haru wasn't interested, and Kisumi couldn't accept that.' Rin snapped. 'How does that make what happened to Kisumi Haru's fault?'

'The police told me he was _dead_!' There was a sharp click of teeth as Hayato's mouth closed, eyes scrunching shut. 'They told me he was dead, the newspapers said he was _dead_, then the other week I saw him walking around... I-I put rat poison in the water tank of his apartment-'

'_You_ were the one who poisoned Haru?!' Rin's grip on Hayato's collar tightened and before he knew what he was doing, he shoved Hayato against the wall.

'Yeah,' Hayato shuddered beneath Rin. 'He deserved it. I poured poison into the outdoor water supply so that it would make his stomach _rot_ because it's too good for him to walk around free-I hope it stays on his conscience forever! He stole my big brother from me and _noone even cares_...!'

'Rin, what are you doing?'

Sousuke had appeared in the doorway with dark circles underneath his eyes but Rin didn't see or hear him-he didn't even see Hayato clearly through the lines of red running over his vision.

'If you come near Haru again,' Rin snarled. 'If you _ever _do anything to try and hurt him again, then I don't care how old you are-'

'Rin, put him down!' Sousuke barked.

'I'll fucking tear you apart-'

'That's _enough_!' Sousuke tugged Rin's shoulder to jerk him back, and Hayato slumped against the wall, his eyes rimmed with red. He coughed, wrapping his arms around himself.

'If Haru is the victim according to you,' Hayato whispered. '...Then why is my big brother dead?'

'This is getting out of hand, Rin,' Sousuke said, quietly, when they were back in the apartment. 'We've got to start treating Nanase like a suspect; he faked his own death, for fucks sake! I'm going to apply for an arrest warrant when I get to the station.'

Rin didn't make any attempt to respond; he looked down at the milk as it swirled around and disappeared into his coffee, in the cup that he clutched between his still-trembling hands.

* * *

><p>At six am, Rin went to Makoto's place, not bothering to phone the department about the fact he'd be skipping work today. Haru was still asleep and Rin went through to the living room as he waited for him to get dressed-even though Makoto had invited Rin inside, he didn't say or do anything to acknowledge Rin.<p>

If Rin thought that Sousuke was bad for stacking case files around the apartment, then it was nothing compared to Makoto's living room; during the time when Haru had temporarily lost his memory, Rin had been too distressed to notice or care that Makoto had pictures of stars and charts pinned all over his walls, each one depicting different readings and diagrams; Rin picked up a loose page from the floor, skimming it over with his eyes.

_...effectively, star systems can be used in the same way step up transformers increase voltages to boost the signal of radio waves and create carbon projections within a certain radius of the transmitting satellite(s) themselves. The heat and hydrogen from the stars act as a catalyst, receiving radio waves with specific data and sending them back as fine, unperceivable waves that constantly fluctuate and recreate the data they contain as a physical object with a mass, which could be considered a 3-D projection. As human beings are also made from carbon, and due to the fact that the human brain itself operates like a super computer, data such as memory, appearance, personality and human function can be compressed into transmissions; although further research is needed to__-_

Rin put the page down when Haru came into the room.

'Got a thing for astronomy?' He asked. 'This room looks like an observatory.'

'Astrology,' Makoto corrected. '...Astronomy is planets.'

That line of conversation died there.

'A-actually...' Rin laughed. 'I wanted to catch you both before work, because this morning-'

There were several thumps on Makoto's front door, and Makoto peered through the binds.

'...it's the police,' he mumbled.

Rin laughed although he was internally panicking, because he hadn't expected the cops to come knocking on Makoto's door and looking for Haru _already_-his head thrummed for a moment and he faltered.

'H-Haru, we're gonna leave through the apartments fire escape, okay?'

'I can't,' Haru replied. 'The police will arrest Makoto-'

'It's okay, Haru,' Makoto gave a small smile, unmistakeably affectionate... but also, sad, too. 'This is all my fault... all of this. It'll be okay.'

'But-'

'It doesn't matter! Just_ leave_!'

There was pain in Haru's eyes as he stared back at Makoto and Rin gave Haru's arm a final, pleading tug before they took off down the fire escape, quietly slipping around the back of the building; Rin pressed his back against the brick wall and a finger to his lips telling Haru to 'ssh,' as he waited for the officers to go inside Makoto's apartment. Then, he ran onto the pavement and signalled a nearby cab, getting inside with Haru and telling it to go to the station.

Rin didn't have a clue what he was doing as he slipped the keys to one of the station cop cars out of his pocket and drove it out of the garage, Haru in the passenger's seat as they skidded out onto the road. Rin didn't know where they were going and didn't care; he just needed Haru next to him. They could forget about the fires and the lab explosion and Kisumi and anything else that threatened to hurt Haru or rip them apart-Rin had experienced all he could take and he didn't want to know. He didn't care about the truth, because he was going to take Haru to a place where it didn't matter -he wasn't risking losing Haru. Not again.

'Where are you taking us?' Haru asked.

'We're gonna get away from here, Haru, just drive. Just fucking drive until this city is a dot in our windmirror, away from New York and we'll never look back-'

'That isn't going to work,' replied Haru, unblinking. 'I can't live outside of this city.'

'Sure you can, sweetheart... I-I don't have a lot of savings, but we'll go somewhere else and get new jobs-'

'No,' Haru replied. 'You don't understand.' he touched Rin's arm. 'We need to go back.'

'Haru, if you go back they'll arrest you... the police think you killed Kisumi!'

Haru's eyes widened and he let go of Rin's hand.

'Makoto told you... about that?'

'Yeah,' Rin gritted his teeth. 'I heard the whole story. Hayato was the one who poisoned you, Haru, S-Sousuke thinks you blew up the lab a-and I just...' his voice died out, clenching his fists around the steering wheel. 'It's okay. Haru, we'll go far away. I'll take care of you, I swear-'

'You need to go back, Rin,' Haru's voice was level. 'If you leave this city, I'll disappear.'

'Haru, we can't go back there... we can't...'

They kept driving until darkness came, headlights illuminating the road ahead of them and as it got colder, Rin turned on the car heater. Haru slumped in the passenger's seat, getting paler and paler with the more miles they covered, his head starting to knock against the car door.

'Haru?'

Haru didn't respond, so Rin stopped in the middle of the empty highway, got out and opened the passenger's seat door, Haru all but falling into his arms, held back by the seatbelt. He felt cold but his arms were covered in sweat, breathing heavily, lids fluttering...

'It's alright, Haru,' Rin gasped. 'There's a lay-by over there, just half a mile up the highway... hold on and I'll take you there. Just calm down-'

The lay-by had a hotel and Rin booked them a room, staggering as he carried Haru into it. It was an ungraceful journey that Haru was barely able to make, Rin sinking him down in the middle of the double bed and brushing back Haru's fringe. Haru's eyes were shut and his breaths came so shallowly that he was scarcely breathing at all... fading-he felt as if he were fading underneath Rin, as when Rin reached out to touch Haru's wrist, he couldn't clutch onto Haru's arm, but could sink his fingers into him slightly. Rin exhaled and backed away-the enclosed space of the car was messing around with his head.

He was hallucinating. _Had_ to be.

'Are you okay, Haru?' he whispered, but Haru didn't reply. He turned slightly in the sheets and said: 'Ri...' but the sound was drawn out- weak. The dead look in his eyes brought Rin physical pain.

'H-hey, it's okay, don't speak if you can't manage. H-Haru, I'm gonna run you a cold bath. The rooms have an ensuite bathroom and water will make you feel better-so just... just try and relax-'

Rin passed into the bathroom to run the water. When he re-entered, a cramp settled in his chest so intense that he could have mistaken it for an oncoming heart attack, because the bed was empty.

Haru was gone.

'Haru?!' Rin screamed. 'HARU-'

The sheets were bare-Haru had disappeared. Standing became too difficult for Rin as all the lights in the world faded and he swayed. There was so much white in his head...

Then the white took over. He collapsed.

* * *

><p>'Rin?'<p>

When Rin came too, he was lying in a hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling. Sousuke was beside Rin in a plastic chair, fingers curled around Rin's arm and staying there, firmly gripping Rin's wrist.

'Had a rough night?'

'Where's Haru?' asked Rin, the syllables straining. He sat up.

'I don't know,' Sousuke replied. 'Looks like he ran away. Some guests in the hotel you went to heard you screaming his name then found you passed out on the floor. They called a hospital who got in touch with the police to find someone to come and collect you, and... that brings us to here. Take it easy.'

'Haru disappeared.'

'I know.'

'No,' Rin shook his head, frantically. 'Sousuke, he didn't run out on me-he was laying on the bed and then he was gone!'

'Rin... you need to calm down. You hit your head on the floor when you collapsed-'

'I'm not crazy and I know what I saw-Haru started fading away in my arms!'

He shouted the words. Several patients in the beds next to Rin looked up at him, but he didn't care-Sousuke pinched his lips.

'I know this is hard for you,' his voice was smooth, careful. 'Because you're in love with Nanase and that stops you from thinking rationally, but I want you to very carefully consider what you did, Rin. You took a wanted person out of the city in a police car that you didn't have permission to use-you're only here because I put my badge on the line instead of yours-'

'Well, I didn't ask-'

'I did it,' Sousuke growled. 'Because _I care about you_!'

Rin wasn't ready for the words. They hit him like an arrow, sharp and rough around the edges, unforeseeable; at least to him... he blinked slowly, as Sousuke continued:

'I won't stop you from being with Nanase,' Sousuke said. 'I would have never stopped you... but I can't feel content knowing that he killed someone. Rin, everything we've learned has been pointing in the direction that Nanase burned one of our former school friends to death, and Tachibana's apartment...' his face became hard. 'It's covered in details about the Pleiades-details that the satellites the lab owned were collecting which have been relayed from the lab's head, Ryugazaki, to Tachibana and Nanase!'

'So?' Rin's voice was bitter.

'They need the satellites for something,' Sousuke said. 'That's why the lab got blown up, but the satellites stayed intact-I'm thinking that whatever they were researching in the satellites was going to be disclosed to the public by the lab, and Nanase and Tachibana didn't want that. That's why they had to blow it up.'

'I don't-'

'_Tachibana_,' Sousuke cut Rin off. 'Has confessed to buying and planting those bombs-he's the one who blew up the lab, Rin! Do you still think Nanase's not involved?'

It was childish, but Rin didn't know what else to do: he shoved back Sousuke's arm, got up and ran out of the hospital. Everything he knew, everything he remembered... the pictures didn't form a pattern. There was an amalgam of incidents thrown at Rin, memories that burned, coincidences he couldn't predict or imagine... and now Haru was gone, the more he thought about it, the less he could face it.

* * *

><p>'Why?<p>

_Why did it have to come to this?_

Rin's lips were numb as he spoke. He was back at the station and after a degree of grilling from the police chief, he'd managed to get another officer to come in with him so that he could see Makoto; there were cuffs around Makoto's hands, men with guns either side of him and it just felt so _wrong_, because this _wasn't _Makoto and Rin _couldn't_ believe it. Makoto looked down, as if he didn't know, before replying:

'Because the world is unfair, Rin.'

'What does that mean...?' Rin laughed quietly through his tears. 'What does any of this mean? T-there must have been some reason you wanted to blow up a lab and kill all of those scientists...'

'The world is hard to face when Haru isn't here, isn't it? ...that's how I felt, Rin, because I understand-I love him, too. Although, you... you seem to be distressed now, so I assume you tried to take Haru out of New York... he faded, didn't he?'

'What's going on?'

'Do you want him back?'

Rin nodded thickly.

'Then you need to speak with Rei. I know he's in custody, but he's... he's the only one who can bring Haru back now. You have to get Rei out, Rin.'

Rin had stopped trying to understand any of this-he wanted to go back to his first date with Haru and relive that day forever; he wanted to recap where he'd gone wrong. He wanted to kick himself for treading carefully for so long when he should have pulled Haru into his arms and kissed him deeply on the lips, should have held him tight and told Haru that he was about to do something stupid that would rip them both apart for six years, but that Haru would always be in his thoughts during that time. He wished he'd told Haru: 'by the way, you mean everything to me-' instead of being scared of embarrassing himself and holding back. The world had felt smaller when Rin was with Haru-more manageable and comfortable, but it felt so vast now, and Rin didn't understand any of it.

He called Sousuke to the station and waited until it got dark, pulling him into a cupboard.

'What are you-'

'Shut up,' whispered Rin. 'We're gonna stay here and wait for the cleaners to leave. Then we're gonna distract security, go down to the cells and bust out Makoto and Rei.'

'You can't be serious! Are you out of your _mind-'_

'You want the truth about the lab, don't you?! Sousuke, Makoto and Rei are the only ones who know, and they're not gonna tell you willingly! As well as that, they know where Haru is... we'll be with them-we've got guns. Now are you helping me or not?'

Sousuke frowned but gave a nod, and they waited until 11pm when Rin slid out and hid in what he knew was a blind spot for the cameras, firing a shot at the station wall to distract security. Whilst they were looking at one camera screen, Sousuke would be making his way upstairs with a can of knock out gas they'd found in the confiscated room so they wouldn't have to worry about being watched.

The alarms started to ring where security had set them off due to the shots and Rin slipped down to the prisoner cells, two of the patrolling guards pointing their guns in his face.

'Matsuoka...' the guards relaxed slightly. 'What are you doing here?'

'There's been a break-in,' Rin told them. 'The police chief asked me to stay later tonight because he anticipated this might happen... he wants me to transfer Ryugazaki and Tachibana to the state city jail before their trial. They're high priority prisoners, so I'd like you to hand them over to me.'

'We weren't told about anything like that,' the guards replied, glancing between each other. 'And security pressed the alarm from their station when they heard the shots-extra backup are on their way as we speak. If that's true about the prisoners, then why would the chief send a patrolling officer like _you _to deal with them?'

The pin to the knock out gas canister in Rin's hand came undone and he let it skitter to the floor, the officers coughing and dropping down to their knees as Rin used his cap to cover his mouth and nose to prevent himself from inhaling, waiting for the gas to disperse. The cells were all heavy, iron doors with small glass windows and Rin looked through each one, eventually finding Rei and Makoto then trying the lock-wheels.

No good... they needed a passcode as well as a key. Rin's cell phone vibrated and he figured Sousuke must have seen him struggling on the camera, texting him the passcode from the records in the security station to each numbered door. Rin used the imputed the cell passcodes then used the key's he took from the security office on the prisoner floor to unlock Makoto and Rei's corresponding cell doors.

'Are we good?' Rin asked, meeting Sousuke by the door, who nodded.

'I erased the camera records for all of tonight and shut them all off, so it looks like someone else busted them out... Rin, we're in shit if they realise it was us. We need to leave.'

There was the sound of sirens in the distance and they all got into Rin's station car, Sousuke in the front with Rei beside him and Rin in the back with Makoto.

'You're going to take us to Nanase then we'll deliver you back to the station,' Sousuke told Makoto, looking at him via the car wind mirror as the car sped away. 'Needless to say, Rin and I are both armed, so it's in yours and Ryuguzaki's best interests not to try anything. That includes escaping.'

'I find the concept _highly unnecessary_...' Rei mumbled, shifting up his glasses in an anxious way. Makoto didn't say anything, and Rin turned to him.

'Where's Haru?' He asked, voice dry because he was being very, _very_ calm. Haru had lost his police data, lost his memories then _disappeared_, and it was all Rin could do to stop tears from welling in his throat; he was struggling to understand. The silent, sucking void in his soul was getting bigger until Rin felt as if it were crumbling him inside-out, the sentiment reminding him of a September wind whipping over a field of daffodils, their petals carried away... Haru had gone from him piece by piece then he'd clicked out.

Like a piece of machinery.

'Even if he faded, his data is still in the satellite base,' Makoto said, closing his eyes gently. 'Rei will be able to bring him back from there. Do you remember when I told you that you couldn't be with Haru, Rin? I suppose you thought it was because I was jealous... well, you wouldn't be wrong. But it wasn't the reason.'

They were quiet the rest of the way, the car pulling up by a satellite site and they went underground to a static, metal hut that had been built into the bank of a river by the dishes. Rei tapped a passkey into the door and it slid open, Rin finding himself in a room surrounded by computers and machinery, electronic motors and wires.

'P-professor Ryugazaki!' Someone stammered, and Rin immediately recognised Aiichiro, previously the only occupant of the room, tapping away at computers. 'A-and Rin... Yamazaki, too... it's so good to see you all again-!'

'Aiichiro, I'm afraid it seems these officers wish to shut down the satellites...' Rei said, with composure. 'Even though they emit _beautiful_ transmissions, the officers don't seem to understand... they're not aware what it is we're doing. I apologise in advance if you find yourself out of a job. Please place the blame completely on my account.'

'N-no, don't worry about that! The radio waves... ahh, I suppose someone tried to project them away from the satellites and out of their range so the transmission clicked out?'

'That's right,' Rei gave a curt nod. 'I assume you fine-tuned the signal to program it to project here, after?'

'That's _enough _catching up,' Sousuke pulled out his gun and pointed it at Rei, eyes narrowing. 'Tell me what you were doing here. _Now._ What was the purpose of the lab, and what are you transmitting with the satellites?! I already know that you've encrypted the data of human cells within radio waves with the help of the lab and that you send them to the Pleiades, then pick them up with the satellites on Earth and rebroadcast them. Why? What data are you sending out to the stars, then retransmitting in New York?!'

'Rin...' tears burned up in Makoto's eyes as he looked to the floor. 'Do you still want to... see Haru? Because he's here... he's in the room, now...'

A lump rose up in Rin's throat as he looked around him, glancing around the computer desks and large windows overlooking the satellites, until his eyes fell on an oval shaped object in the middle of the room, about the size of a long coffee table. He made his way toward it without thinking, brushing his fingers over the lid before hesitantly sliding it away.

There was a faraday shield covering the inside- a mesh sheet of wire that Rin knew was made to help direct radio waves-and underneath, suspended in stasis-

'Oh, _God,_' Rin choked, because it was Haru, but he was dead. There was a tightening in Rin's throat and he was crying before he knew what he was doing because Haru looked so pale, curled up inside of the oval as if he were asleep, hair brushed back to show the bruises on his temple.

He looked so breakable.

'What have you done to him?!' Rin demanded. 'What the fuck have you done to him... w-were you _experimenting_?!'

'I-I didn't... I just wanted him back, Rin!' Makoto said, crying. 'And it's okay-Rei preserved his body so he can replicate his brain cells, they get turned into radio waves, a-and broadcast so Haru doesn't have to be dead-'

Rin didn't want a replica and he sobbed, tear drops splattering onto the oval tank as he tried to grip it with his fists but couldn't hold on and slipped onto the floor, pressing his nose against it as he cried. He didn't hear the sound of bare footsteps on the metal floor slowly coming closer, someone crouching down and putting a hand on his shoulder...

'Rin. Don't cry.'

The voice snapped up his head. The hand on his shoulder was firm with temperature, solid, and it stopped Rin's tears. Haru was beside him, touching him and he gave Rin a soft smile, the blue universe in his eyes all too fascinating and real.

* * *

><p><strong>one more chapter! <strong>

**maybe an epilogue (?)**


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